


Do I wanna know?

by whiteleander



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Blow Jobs, Confessions, Explicit Language, Gay Keith (Voltron), Getting Together, Glove Kink, Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Pining, Praise Kink, Unreliable Narrator, a very rocky past cause i am evil, also keef has short hair, and he's also taller, and lance likes that very much even if i had to rewrite that part and couldnt include his pov, but they'll get through their shit, fluff is toward the very end cause i write a lot, i curse a lot, introvert keef, it's a flashback because keef had a rocky past, keef isnt any better, lance is bad with words, lance is more of like an ambivert in my head, like a lot, like really bad, that just cant be left out, that neither, to some extent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 11:21:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10436541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteleander/pseuds/whiteleander
Summary: Lingering glances, flirty smirks, a light blush on tanned skin. Invasion of his personal space all the time, innocent touches that appear just accidental. Lance always around him, that teasing look on his face, and it hits Keith with such a forceful blow that he can barely stay standing on his trembling legs.Maybe, maybe…*aka college AU with your regular dense boys, lots of pining and miscommunication, and an eventual happy end





	

**Author's Note:**

> A few things first:
> 
> — dont try to look for too much plot here, it’s just an emotional mess with some filth and fluff
> 
> — originally i just wanted a short smut but i cant write anything without angst, apparently, and it's not as smutty as I planned it to be
> 
> — initially, i just wanted to write a song fic but i cant do that either as it seems
> 
> — therefore the title doesnt really apply anymore, but i still wanted to keep it cause i like this song very much, and it wouldnt be me if the title went actually well to my fics
> 
> — about POVs: it's kinda a multiple pov kinda thing and it was really hard to write, cause I usually start with one character and it's tricky to involve the other(s) then, so it's a changing pov and im sorry if it gives you a headache (but i also like how i did it, so i hope it's understandable)
> 
> — i think i have never tagged this many things before, and i tried to be thorough to keep y'all safe from possible triggers but it's tricky cause I also dont wanna tag certain spoilers so yeah, i should attend a How to tag? course

* * *

Keith Kogane is a sensible person. He likes to think so because he only gets into a ridiculous drinking competition with self-proclaimed rival, Lance McClain just once in a month. Or maybe twice. And he wins, he always wins, no matter what contest Lance comes up with, and it's always worth it: to have that tiny bit of victory, to annoy Lance just a bit, even if Keith gets a terrible headache and he's sick as a dog the following day, because damn hangovers.

 

Keith isn't competitive, actually. He doesn't care about grades or anything like that in particular, and he never compares himself with others. He just does what he can and what he wants, nothing more, nothing less. Some say, he's just a prodigy, that he's born with many talents. There was a day when Keith felt actually good about his skills and abilities, a modest proudness blossoming inside, but that died out pretty soon with the unsettling attention of teachers and all the bad talk behind his back.

 

Because people don’t love you if you’re better at something than them, and sadly for Keith, he just has a knack for doing things much more easily than others, making him a faster learner than the average person. He didn’t wish for this, and he started to hate himself for it before he could even get to be confident about his capabilities, but no matter what he did, how humble he tried to be about the whole thing, his classmates saw him as a threat, a far-fetched, idolised exemplar — thanks, teachers! — to beat and to be jealous of.

 

Keith’s modesty was always mistaken for being a hypocrite, and when he started to alienate himself from the rest, and keep quiet, trying to avoid attention, well, that only made things worse, and in people's eyes Keith was just too arrogant to mingle with them.

 

Long story short, Keith never had too many friends in his life, and it’s actually zero (because honestly, his adoptive brother rather falls in the family category, even if Shiro is also his best friend) but he’s okay with that now. After so many years of trying to get people to like him, Keith has become resigned about the whole thing, and he simply doesn’t care what people say about him anymore, he’s as carefree as ever.

 

However, if there's one thing that still manages to hit a nerve in Keith, that's Lance McClain. And if there's one particular thing Keith’s got a very unnecessary talent for, that is ending up in stupid fights and crazy shenanigans with Lance McClain. Keith usually doesn't pay attention to people and he's fine on his own, thank you very much, but whenever he crosses paths with Lance, he just completely loses it. You can blame his short temper, though, and it also doesn’t help that Lance has the ability to upset and trigger Keith to a point that his hot-headedness just can’t let go.

 

Or maybe he’s actually competitive and arrogant after all, depends on how you look at it.

 

Keith isn't a lucky person. He feels that way because despite their animosity, he still managed to… let’s say, develop certain feelings for Lance. He would never call it a _crush_ , excuse him, that's just ridiculous and lame, and it's not that serious anyway. Really, it _isn't_. But it sucks, because said subject of his stupid affection is a fucking jerk, and goddamnit, Keith has to be honest with himself because it is pretty fucking serious after all, and he’s been in this hell for too long, and it's not easy.

 

Lance always picks on him, he practically never has a single positive word for Keith, he's loud, and annoying, and obnoxious, and he thinks he's the centre of the universe. (Well, he's partly right, because for Keith, Lance kind of _is_ the centre of his universe.) To make it worse, Lance thinks he's a ladies man, and he just keeps flirting with everyone, except Keith, of course, and god, is it so freaking upsetting?

 

(Yes, it is.)

 

Keith may be a bad person after all, ‘cause every girl Lance tries to hit on just straight up ridicules him; they lead him on, giving fake numbers and false promises. It’s a cheap comfort for Keith and it's also pretty mean, but it does work, and he feels a little bit better knowing that if he's suffering because of his idiotic feelings, Lance is suffering because he never gets the girls.

 

Touché, right?

 

(Not really, truly.)

 

Keith is helpless. Because fuck logic and his pining little heart (Yikes!), a part of him just feels so sorry for Lance that he gets rejected all the time. Not that Lance's ego would be damaged, it's just so thick and large that the whole campus is small for it, yet Keith catches himself having certain emotions; like unreasonable worry or sadness about him.

 

Because deep down Keith knows he _cares_ for Lance, no matter what a giant asshole Lance may be, and a very inconceivable part of Keith just wants him happy. And usually this is the point when Keith wants to pull out his own hair, to always arrive at the same conclusion and realisation that he's a hopeless romantic and he's so far gone on Lance that he practically puts Lance's well-being before his own, which is quite terrifying to Keith, to just be so selfless, it's unfamiliar and crazy, and he’s never really felt like this before, and boy, why does he have to feel like this, he did not wish for this.

 

Especially when it’s so painfully one-sided.

 

All in all, Keith is frustrated. Because he could be interested in anyone else, but nope, he saw Lance McClain and his brain decided to react in a certain way, and Keith feels so lost because he has no control over this, and he definitely doesn't like that, feeling like he’s going against the flow and he can't do anything about it.

 

Still, he just… _adores_ Lance. Even if it's just stupid chemistry anyway, and even if it messes up his brain and makes him do stupid things, like coming down to a college party he has absolutely no actual mood for, but he still wants to see a rather inebriated Lance McClain dance, hips swinging so beautifully and in such a perfect way, that it should be called art.

 

(Also, just how the freaking fuck can someone move like that?!)

 

Keith knows he's staring, and he's aware it's too much, and that people can notice him at any moment — but actually he thinks everyone is too occupied to be having fun and the whole bunch is pretty wasted already anyway. Keith is like an outsider, he just doesn't belong here, and the people around him realise this too: they just ignore him most of the time, like he doesn't even exist, they just avoid Keith as if he was a piece of furniture in the room.

 

He is practically invisible, wrapped up in his own world, his mind going back and forth, one thought about how pathetic he is actually, and another about how freaking _sexy_ Lance is. And that is when he's had enough; he won't just spend a Friday night drooling over a guy that treats him like trash and is painfully straight.

 

So Keith is about to leave — he can maybe drown in his assignments and his Lance problem would be gone as well — when someone approaches him.

 

“‘Sup, Keith?” It's Lance McClain, because the universe hates Keith, and he must be cursed because why the fuck is Lance pissing him again? Can't he just have a day without pestering Keith? Keith is mocking himself mentally, because it’s exactly his own fault that Lance is giving him shit now. “What's with that angsty expression, you're ruining the party!”

 

“This party is already ruined since you're embarrassing yourself pretending to be Shakira who you clearly aren't.”

 

 _Why the fuck did I say that??_ It’s not a real question, though, because Keith knows it pretty well: it’s like Lance can just flip a switch in him that makes him boil inside and he finds himself saying the most offending things, and because he can’t help himself, he usually ends up saying the exact opposite of what he thinks and how he feels. Maybe it’s a kind of reversed Freudian slip after all, maybe he’s just too socially awkward.

 

Lance whines, of course he does, extremely hurt and sulking, and Keith wants to shoot himself because now Lance knows that he's payed enough attention to his dancing if he can make such a comment about it.

 

“Ha! I dare you to a dance-off right now!” Lance yells, acted out with his usual theatrics.

 

Keith frowns, especially because people around them start to notice the freak show that is Lance McClain, and they're staring now, and oh god, Keith just wants to get away but Lance always has to make his life worse, like it's his personal mission or hobby to do so every time they meet.

 

Keith doesn't respond, he just has no idea what to, and his silence just fuels Lance even more.

 

“I bet you can't even dance, Mullet!”

 

To be fair, Keith has short hair now, and he never even had an actual mullet, his hair was just a bit longer in the back in high school, but that doesn't stop Lance to still call him like that. Keith doesn’t really bother about that, really, it’s like the most harmless insult nickname he’s ever been called.

 

“With your horrendous taste in music,” Lance goes on, sawing the air with his hands wildly, and Keith honestly doubts he even breathes during his passionate monologue. “I can tell the most rhythmical and dancy move you can show is headbanging to your emo rock songs with your stupid hair flinging to the beat of the chorus!”

 

Everyone knows Keith is a hothead. So when he just shoots a really not graceful “Fuck off” at Lance, no one should be surprised. Because his day was horrible, his whole week was messed up and now Lance is being a jerk with him on a Friday night in the middle of a ridiculous party, and Keith can only blame himself because he was the one stupid enough to come here in the first place, but still, he cannot ignore how freaking good Lance looks or how adorable he is so worked up and all, cheeks pink and deepwater blue eyes opened wide, and Keith has enough.

 

And maybe he's also going crazy now, or he must be hallucinating; maybe he just managed to get high on the alcohol-filled air somehow, because for a split second, Lance's face does a weird thing: it twitches as if he's hurt, but then the strange expression is gone before Keith even blinks once or can form a coherent thought about it.

 

“That means I'm right, you know.” Lance shrugs, cocky and grinning. It's the Lance Keith knows so well, what he just saw was nothing, he's just tired probably and his brain is messing with him. “That means I won. Hasta la later, loser.” And he returns to the dancing bunch.

 

Keith is just too taken aback, too astounded, he can't even understand what's happened, he can't even move. He's just staring at Lance's back, his broad shoulders and narrow waist, and damn, is that a new dark blue shirt on him? It sure goes well with his eyes.

 

 _Stop it, idiot_.

 

He wants to leave. He needs to get out now because another shitty pop song starts and Lance is shouting and whistling, and then he begins dancing, and holy shit, Keith is going to end up dehydrated because he's drooling so much and he shouldn't do that, to stare at Lance so openly.

 

Yet, he can't take his eyes off of him, even when he can feel his cheeks burning and it's so hot suddenly that he can't even breathe; he could die right here and right now but his spirit would still be chained here, gawking at Lance for forever.

 

The song comes to an end, the following one is much calmer, the steady, seductive drums and the provoking buzzing of the guitar all too familiar…

 

 _Oh no_.

 

Keith is dying because Lance adapts to the new rhythm so smoothly as if it was second nature to him, moving his body in ways Keith could never imagine could be even possible. To make it worse, Keith is positive he has never seen Lance dance like this before, his movements so ethereal and fluid, so lewd and seductive, and fuck him because he just looked at Keith right when Keith's eyes stayed on his ass for too long, and what's that cheeky smile on his face?!

 

Lance closes his eyes and his dancing slightly changes, more enticing, more enthralling. He's still smiling and his moves get Keith hypnotised: he's the victim tangled up in a spiderweb, a prey that knows the exact moment when he's caught, and it's permanent, it's fatal, and there's no escape.

 

_Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?_

 

Keith is captivated, heart hammering in his chest and his clothes are too tight, and he feels rather dizzy. It's like his brain can't shut down however, the lyrics speaking to him on a very personal level, his mind on a roll his head is suddenly filled with memories, all flashing before his widely open eyes.

 

Lingering glances, flirty smirks, a light blush on tanned skin. Invasion of his personal space all the time, innocent touches that appear just accidental. Lance always around him, that teasing look on his face, and it hits Keith with such a forceful blow that he can barely stay standing on his trembling legs.

 

Maybe, _maybe_ …

 

But then a girl rolls in the picture, and Lance isn't looking at Keith anymore (he probably stopped minutes ago and Keith was just too lost in his thoughts to notice) and she starts chatting with him, and Lance nods, blushing yet smiling ever so brightly, and they begin dancing, they're dancing _together_.

 

It's Lance, the suave ladies man Keith knows all too well, and he's dancing like he always does, having so much fun and there's nothing strange or special in it, and Keith is mocking himself mentally.

 

What was he thinking? If Lance really teases him, that's only because he _knows_ and it's always so funny to make jokes of the local gay.

 

A certain feeling is resurging in Keith, a massive rancor saturating his insides steadily and fairly uncontrollably, taking his breath away. He thought he had gotten over the fury many years ago, but now it's just flowing in like water filling a pool, like it has never left him at all, and he's mad and kind of sad too, but even now he's not pissed at Lance, he loathes himself because he's such an idiot.

 

Why has he come here anyway? What was he thinking? Is seeing Lance and having a heart-wrenching hassle with him so worth it? What’s the point when the only thing that keeps happening is him getting pissed, and bitter, and kind of disappointed too? Why is he torturing himself this way? Why can't he stop? He can stop, there’s just no way he can’t, so maybe he just doesn’t want to? Maybe he’s a freaking masochist? Even if that’s true, Keith is stubborn enough that he will get out of this ridiculous misery one way or another. He’s headstrong like that.

 

But it's not the first time Keith decides that he will forget about Lance McClain for once and for all. And it's just frustrating him so much more because why the hell can't he just stop dealing with him, why is he feeling like he's stuck in a vicious cycle? There has to be a way out, there always is, and the first step he needs to take is leaving this ridiculous party right now — he shouldn’t have come in the first place but Lance coerced him into it, provoking Keith with the stupidest shit, and he was such a fool to still come, like Lance is the puppeteer and he's the marionette tangled in strings, so eager to comply.

 

It needs to stop.

 

He manages to swim through the crowd — it's a great thing to be invisible but you always have to fight your way through because no one bothers to acknowledge your existence and move out of the way. Just one more step and he's out of the room, walking away and the music gets quieter with each passing metre.

 

Keith can't wait to reach his room finally — he considered going on a ride with his bike, just to clear his head but even if he's reckless, he knows better than crashing into a tree face forward because of some Lance McClain who's probably about to have one hell of a time tonight, judging by the girl's body language.

 

He actually knew Lance would get a girlfriend at some point. He was prepared for the day but it isn't any less painful when it's happening.

 

Keith groans — he's thinking about this again when he's just promised he'd forget about Lance for good. Is he really that into this idiot that he even hallucinates Lance calling his name?

 

“Hey, Keith!”

 

Or maybe he's not imagining it. He wishes he was, though, because why the fuck is Lance bugging him again? Can't Keith just have one peaceful moment??

 

“Where are you going? Ya think you're too good for the party?!” Keith doesn't respond, he doesn't even stop he keeps walking on, and to be real, he's considering to quicken his pace and start running to his room, call him a chicken, he just can't outpace Lance any other way, Lance is just following him like a starving stray dog follows a man eating a burger. “Hey, I'm talking to you!”

 

Lance grabs Keith's shoulder, making him come to a halt and turn around. Keith's general reflex to that, since he just hates being touched by people without his consent, is to punch the intruder, but since it's Lance, he probably shouldn't do that.

 

“Why are you nagging me again?” Keith spits, shrugging off Lance's hand. He is panicking because he's upset and he's a fool for hope is still gnawing at him like acid, and he just wants to get away, to be far away from Lance before he does something he’d only regret. “Weren't you cool with that chick?”

 

Seems like it's too late for that.

 

Five seconds of silence follows. For three, Lance seems shocked, like he can't believe his ears and eyes, then he starts grinning, and it's infuriating how smug he just looks before he opens his mouth to say something even more pretentious.

 

“Are you jealous?”

 

Keith's heart skips a beat but he can manage not to let it show — at least he hopes he can masquerade his inner apocalypse with his general surly attitude.

 

“Of you? Don't be ridiculous.”

 

Seems like he's not really convincing because nothing can remove that shit-eating grin from Lance's face.

 

“Come on Keith, the whole city knows that you're gay.”

 

Feels like time stops for a while. The magical word echoes around the place, hitting every corner and leaving around a giant omen, hanging heavily over Keith's head like guillotine.

 

Keith was right, and it shouldn't shock him so much, he guessed that Lance was just fooling him. But still, a small, naive part of Keith believed that he wasn't, a very illogical part of him truly hoped that Lance could return his feelings, and it makes him even angrier.

 

For one brief moment, Keith truly considers taking his frustrations out on Lance. Because he's a jerk and he's inconsiderate, and Keith hates how he suddenly feels like being at the Garrison all over again; a helpless teenage boy always picked on, made fun of and hated, as if his whole existence was an insult to the world and people just couldn't stand that he lived.

 

Keith's cheeks are flushed, he's angry, he's sad, and he's having a crisis, but that doesn't affect Lance, as it seems.

 

“Aww, are you blushing, Keith? Do you have a crush on me?” Lance doesn't know when to back off, he probably can't even sense how tense Keith is getting by the second, he continues his monologue. “Well, I'm not surprised, I mean look at me, I'm irresistible for both genders.”

 

Lance shuts up for a surprisingly long time as if he's waiting for something, Keith's reply probably, and since Keith just cannot say anything, he’s too occupied with feeling too many things and nothing at once, and since Lance doesn't get the response his ego demands, he gets frustrated.

 

“What? Cat took your tongue? Or you're just thrown away by my beauty?”

 

“You're the one who gets thrown away pretty soon,” Keith snaps back, voice wavering with resentment, hands in fists now.

 

“Like you could beat me, _shortie_ —”

 

Lance could've seen it coming, truly. Keith, losing his head finally, lunges forward and he shoves Lance away until he’s pushed against the wall.

 

“The hell?!” Lance yelps.

 

“You can be glad I didn't punch you.” And truly, Keith is glad he didn't take it that far. Not because Lance wouldn't deserve it, but because seeing his reaction to be handled so easily is just priceless. Because for one second, Lance truly seemed terrified, he was so afraid and shocked it didn't even occur to him to defend himself, he was just blinking like a fish.

 

_Such an idiot._

 

But apparently Lance is unable to shut up for too long, not even in a situation like this.

 

“Punch? This face?! Are you insane??!”

 

It's really weird like this because Lance is so close, he's so warm and he's sweaty, his eyes big and wide, and his pupils so dilated they rather appear onyx. His heart is racing, Keith can feel it clearly, having his left arm laid across Lance’s chest, his breath mingles with Lance's and it's like the world stops and it's just them, and this is the moment Keith's having second thoughts and outright regrets his choice because fuck it, now he's pressed up against Lance, and it's too intoxicating, especially since Lance is pretty much intimidated…

 

…until he manages to collect himself and he's smirking again, eyes glistening darkly.

 

“So instead of beating me, you do _this_? That kinda says something…” And fuck him, because Keith is paralysed and why can't he just step back and let go?? Why can't he think straight, why does he always end up doing the worst thing? Why does Lance have such a huge power on him anyway?

 

“You know, Keith,” Lance drawls, sporting his flirty look. “We could be together if you wanted to.”

 

 _What is this fucker doing_? Correction, Keith knows that Lance is just messing with him but… is he really trying to put his one leg between Keith's, like how far is he willing to go just to make fun of him?? Is he paid for this, did he make a drunken bet with someone?

 

Keith's mind is creating all these crazy theories — you can blame it on his former experiences — but damn, because it's _that song_ again, and Keith doesn't even know if there's a point in doing anything now, because whatever he does, Lance will always get him back, and there's no way Keith can win.

 

Because if there’s one field Keith isn’t a remarkable prodigy in, that’s love and relationships and every other bullshit like that. Because no matter what his mind knows, his stupid heart still trembles at the illusion of having Lance flirting with him, and Keith just cannot play this game of theirs anymore.

 

“Quoting stupid songs maybe work on the girls but not on me,” Keith lies, he lies for survival and he even manages to lean backwards a bit — just one inch but it means he can take a breath finally, he realises he's been holding in the air in his lungs for too long.

 

It's to no avail, though, because that one inch Keith pulls back, Lance leans forward, like his body moves on autopilot, as if Keith draws him like the opposite side of a magnet, and Keith feels like the tables have turned, and it doesn't matter that he holds Lance against the wall because he's not intimidated anymore.

 

“But come on, Keith, I can see the yearning in your eyes. Do you want me?”

 

Keith’s heart skips a beat, a wild thunder strikes him at the realisation that everything’s useless now since Lance can clearly see through him... But fuck Lance, because Keith will never admit it, he can always deny it, right?

 

“I want you to shut up!”

 

“You can make me.” Lance's smirk turns into a yelp as Keith pushes forward suddenly, shoving him back again so hard that it's a miracle the thin wall doesn't break behind him. “Wow, that's pretty aggressive from a shorty like you…”

 

“I'm taller than you now.” Keith hisses, his eyes just a tiny bit above Lance's. He's dangerously close, closer than before, and he doesn't know what he's going to do now, and he actually prays for someone to come along and bother them because they're still out in a public area, and what they're doing is ridiculous.

 

“Wow, and that tiny one inch should make me feel intimidated?” Lance gloats but Keith can spot shiny drops perspiring on his forehead.

 

For a moment, Keith gets the same strange feeling again when he was watching Lance dance earlier. For a moment, his face might just move a little bit closer and he might just hear Lance's breath hitch, his lips parted, eyes shining like when sunrays spike through deep water, dark blue shimmering miraculously.

 

For a moment, Keith actually considers kissing Lance for real, because one: he wants to, and two: even if Lance is just fooling him, he would never be able to take it if Keith really kissed him. Keith could get what he's wanted so badly — and chances are he could just turn disenchanted with Lance, and his stupid crush could be gone, he could call it a sort of closure too. On the top of that, he could completely destroy Lance with it.

 

Two in one seems rather practical and very tempting but then Lance opens his mouth, “You know, Keith, you could totally blow me. I'm drunk and I feel generous, I'll let you fulfill your dirty little desires,” and Keith knows he won’t ever possibly come out as a winner in this, because he just can’t score when it comes to love, relationships, people and shit like that.

 

“You're a shithead,” he snorts, lets go of Lance and just walks away.

 

* ** *

 

It was such a perfect idea. Lance planned out everything carefully, he had everything, literally _everything_. He’d been preparing for this party for weeks, he even bought a new shirt that was tight fitting on his upper body and went well with his skin tone and eyes. He got Keith's attention, he swung his lips to sexy and meaningful music, and he even managed to get that sweet girl to help make Keith jealous.

 

That was actually a spontaneous thing, because she just bumped into him accidentally. Lance remembered her, they had a few classes together and she was just a sweet human being in general. So sooner than he would've ever imagined, they started chatting and Lance just couldn't control his words, he talked about Keith and in the next minute, he was putting up a show with her. She was actually lesbian but she insisted that her girlfriend wouldn't mind and it was very exciting for her to assist Lance get his guy.

 

However, it was all for nothing, probably because Lance has just been projecting too much and Keith doesn't even like him.

 

Well, why would he? Underneath his false confidence, Lance is pretty average. And average he is, with his average perfect idea of pretending to be a little too tipsy so he's just allowed to say things he wouldn't normally dare. Perfectly average alibi, right? He can just confess to Keith and if he rejects him, Lance can just say he's too drunk or he doesn't remember when Keith brings it up later. It isn't romantic by any means, but Lance just couldn't handle rejection from Keith, he has to play it _safe_.

 

He had to be so safe that trying to visibly hit on Keith took him years and when he finally did it, he sounded like a real homophobe. He wants to punch himself for all the things he said.

 

Doing some fair introspection, Lance knows where he went wrong. He always considered himself a good strategist — and that skill gained him so many wins in battle games — but still, he did this all wrong.

 

He blames it on being so desperate because he's wanted Keith for so long, he flirted with others in front of Keith, just to get a tiny little reaction out of him, hinted on his bisexuality whenever he had the opportunity, but Keith never bothered. He either didn't react at all or he just walked away.

 

So even if Lance couldn't actually make the one person that really mattered to him swoon, even if his flirting and pickup lines and methods were terrible, Keith just should've acted differently. Especially with his impulsiveness — if he really felt anything for Lance except for sheer hate, Lance should be in Keith's room right now, how he _planned_.

 

But where's Lance at the moment? Standing on the corridor, his back still against the wall because he had to watch Keith leave _again_ , and he fucked up and he insulted Keith _again_ , and Keith despises him, and he just doesn't know what to do anymore.

 

It's like failure is coded in his genes.

 

The night could've been so great but now his anxiety is creeping in, and the ghost of Keith's warm body still haunts him, because he almost had it all, and Lance just… he just wants to feel loved.

 

To be certain, he wants Keith to love him back.

 

“Oh man…” he sighs, pushing himself away from the wall, he collects himself and starts walking hesitantly, like he doesn't even know where to go he just wanders around aimlessly, too lost in his thoughts.

 

For a second, he considers going up to Hunk but he's probably with Shay and he doesn't even know about Lance’s big Keith problem for real. Lance kept it all to himself, and he must be really stupid to think that annoying his crush would still work when he's twenty-one. But fuck Keith because he was _supposed_ to get annoyed and fight back but then kiss Lance, that was his role because he was the temperamental one!

 

Lance couldn't be expected to actually make a move, because one: even if he knew he was bisexual, he never really tried to hit on the same sex, and he was fairly bashful, especially how his flirting was hardly ever a success with girls, and two: this still was _Keith_ and Lance couldn't just use the same old techniques on him because he was just _too important_.

 

Because he really was, but how did Lance show it? Calling him names and picking on him all the time, sounding like a complete douchebag and still hoping to get flowers in return.

 

“I'm such an idiot,” Lance frowns. Suddenly it's too silent, the noise of the party all died down. Looking around he recognises this part of the dormitory, he managed to arrive where Keith is accommodated.

 

Maybe it is fate. Maybe he should just man up and fix what he messed up — he wasted so much time already!

 

The first time Lance caught himself being suspiciously and worryingly interested in Keith Kogane was in high school. Sexuality was a pretty controversial thing back then — it still is, even if things have gotten a bit better — and by the time Lance figured himself out, Keith was gone. He got into a fight with people bullying him; that was the first time Lance heard the rumours about Keith being gay, and one: he was so relieved because that meant that maybe he would have a small chance if he could just ask Keith out, but two: Keith got kicked out of the Garrison High School and he moved to a different city with his adoptive brother, Shiro.

 

Lance hadn't seen Keith for years and when he spotted a strangely too familiar but mulletless head on his first day in college, Lance didn't know if he should've cried or laughed. Because Keith didn't remember him, and Lance got, of course, very offended by that. Word was followed by word, and Lance fucked up, taking out his insecurities and general bitterness on Keith.

 

To be short: their relationship wasn't amicable at all, and that among many other things just forbid Lance to just walk up to Keith and ask him on a date. All Lance could do was talking shit, acting like shit, and their hostility became a daily thing, and he was neck deep, stuck in a thick mud and there was no way out.

 

Lance sometimes feels like he should just let it go, because too much damage has been done that he can't make right, but he cannot forget about Keith either — especially when fate seems to always bring them together, but Lance thinks it’s only the universe ridiculing him, and not really destiny, and it really makes him devastated.

 

Because technically he should just open up and tell Keith everything, but every time Lance tries to be nice, it's Keith who picks on him, teasing him with that lopsided smirk. And there are those other moments, when Lance catches Keith staring with that strange expression on his face and Lance is a fool to have the delusion that it's because maybe Keith fancies him — Lance should be fucking realistic and face the truth that Keith just can't stand him. And really, Lance has given him many, many reasons to.

 

Lance is still standing in the middle of the deserted corridor, eyes fixated on Keith's door, heart aching, thoughts running twenty miles per second, and even if he's going to fuck up for sure, he needs to try, and it’s now or never.

 

Limbs trembling he makes the final decision, heading for Keith's door. It takes a couple of minutes for him to knock, the sound of it echoes around the long corridor, making Lance more nervous.

 

One second, then three and five, and it's ten now — still no response. Lance tries knocking again, like, maybe Keith is wearing headphones blasting damagingly loud rock music in his ears and he just totally doesn't hear anything. He's totally not ignoring Lance, because he doesn't even know he's the one knocking, right?

 

“Keith? You there?”

 

Lance is counting the seconds to calm himself down, it's almost 93 now and there's still just dead silence.

 

Okay, maybe Keith can hear him and he's just ignoring him. And he has every right to do so, since Lance was an extra dick tonight and he would be pissed too if Keith did this to him. And Lance is aware he should probably let Keith cool down and not bother him now, but he can't go to sleep without at least apologising first. His conscience wouldn't let him.

 

He just has to find out how to make it up to Keith through a wooden door.

 

Lance looks around nervously — he'd prefer if no one came by while he's doing this, because he's scared enough to confess his feelings, and he really doesn't want an audience. Also he's still outside Keith's door which makes him look like a creep, and he doesn't need anyone to think that he's just a bloody thief or something.

 

“Hey, can I come in? I mean you don't have to let me in, I just wanna… apologise…”

 

That should make Keith grunt, and hiss, and pull faces. But it's still dead silence from the other side, no matter how much Lance presses his ear against the door, he hears nothing.

 

“I mean it, Keith, I really am sorry. I was an asshole.” _Take a big breath, lean closer to the door, you can do this._ “But only because you're so cool and handsome, and I'm kinda attracted to you and it makes me crazy? I act real shitty about it, mainly because you're too awesome to me? And if you could maybe let me in and tell me if you feel the same? Or don't come out to tell me to ‘fuck off’ if you don't, you don't even have to say anything and I will forget about this.”

 

Lance tends to hide his deepest feelings, not even revealing to his close friends, just stacking up all the heavy thoughts inside, carrying all his demons alone, but once he starts to talk, there's no stopping it, and he just blabbers his heart out. This exact moment is extra stressful because he's still on the corridor and god, he can put up with Keith rejecting him maybe, if only no one else witnesses it, but the whole area is still dead silent, and there's still no response from Keith's side either, Lance can't even hear his breathing or making a sound.

 

Because Lance thinks he should be at least giggling uncontrollably at such a fucked up confession, but what if Keith is just mortified and he thinks Lance is just gross, and oh god, what if he's not into boys after all — like Lance never saw him date anyone, let alone boys, and rumours can't be trusted — or he just doesn't like losers like Lance?

 

_Of course he doesn't like you. You're nothing compared to him._

 

Lance is such a gigantic idiot.

 

It's time to forget about Keith Kogane and his infuriatingly cute face. Lance can do that, and he'll manage that effortlessly because with his safety plan, now he really can just rivalise with Keith. Too bad he's tired of that too, because he can't fool himself any longer, he will never be on the same level, let alone be _better_ than Keith, and his gloating is rather ridiculous, and everyone knows he's just a big-mouth — it’s enough to just take a look at his scores.

 

However, what matters is that everything will be perfectly fine on the outside, and he can patch up the scars and bruises on his heart and ego later. No one would see it, and that's reassuring though, because it's almost like the whole thing only exists in his head, and that's just enough for Lance to cope, to push it aside like it was never real at all.

 

Because even if Keith ever brings this up, Lance will deny it until he dies.

 

Although it's more likely that Keith won't ever mention it since he is still silent, and Lance should take the hint and just go back to his room but, like the hopeless romantic he is, he can't get himself to move just yet, because he's still hoping that Keith will just open his door any time now.

 

He could, totally. Maybe he's just waiting to be dramatic, planning the perfect response? Maybe he just needs time to process that Lance likes him for real? That could totally happen, right? Because Lance never really acted like he fancied Keith, or when he dropped a few hints, it was usually in a joking way, so it wouldn't be too awkward.

 

 _I'm such a joke_ , he sighs, but he can't really feel sorry for himself because suddenly there's noise incoming, an approaching chatter, and that means unwanted company, and Lance needs to just retreat to his room where he can pamper himself in the bathroom and watch something sappy and cry.

 

He deserves it.

 

* ** *

 

Lance manages to avoid coming across anyone on the way to his room, and he is grateful, really. Hand on the doorknob, just one small push and he's inside, in safety and sheltered, he can be wrapped up in his own bubble and forget about the world for a while.

 

Looks like he wishes too much and after getting ‘dumped’ by Keith, he doesn't even deserve self-loathing in his own room because, upon opening the door and just about to reach for the button to flick the switch and turn on the lights, Lance hears a random and very unexpected shuffling, but by the time he looks in the direction where the noise comes from, he's grabbed quite violently, and it's so out of nowhere he can't even produce a high pitched whine first.

 

Strong hands capture him, and the door is closed, Lance is forcibly turned around and pushed up against it face forward, and holy shit, is he being kidnapped?!

 

“What the—” When a rough material is wrapped around his head (and what's that scent, it seems so _familiar_ ), Lance is forced to be turned around again, his back hitting the door now, his hands pinned above his head, and okay, he's pretty much scared now. “Help! Hel—”

 

His screams get smothered by soft lips that press against his roughly, and Lance feels like he dies for a second, because…

 

_No… No way!_

 

Lance must be delusional because the person who surprised him like this can't be who he thinks they are; but he could swear they smell like Keith, that spicy, sweaty scent that is just still so sweet, and even though Lance is freaking out, he can't miss out on that tiny fact that they’re wearing fingerless gloves, just like Keith.

 

But why would Keith do this? It just doesn't make sense because Keith is supposed to be in his room, ignoring Lance, he couldn't just get ahead of Lance and surprise him like this after his lame love confession. Or could he?

 

And Lance shouldn't just let this person have him like this, he should keep on protesting and trying to fight or anything. But to be honest it's hard to think clearly when he's being kissed with so much passion and so hungrily — even if it's a little bit clumsy, noses bumping and teeth clashing awkwardly — and Lance might just like the feeling of being _wanted_ so much. If he lets his mind wander, this person could be his Keith.

 

Especially since the small moans they're making kind of sound like Lance imagined Keith would make if they were making out, and Lance is sure it's just his too wild imagination and wishful thinking but it makes the whole experience better. Lance is aware this is wrong and dirty, and he feels so bad but he needs this closure, to have this fake Keith so he can get over him. Besides, no one would know.

 

Lance’s resistance is long gone and his anonymous lover can sense it too — they noticeably loosen their grip on Lance's wrists. Lance already feels too hot, when he knows he should be scared actually — he has his daydreams and, ahem, kinks, but this person could be anyone and that's still lingering in the back of his brain, and he just feels so filthy.

 

But Lance really doesn't have the moment to panic because shame or not, it feels just so perfect, like he imagined Keith would be and even more. The only gross thing is Lance's ridiculous moans that become worryingly and embarrassingly more frequent, he just sounds so lewd he can't recognise himself.

 

‘Keith’ — because damn his cursed soul, Lance decided to actively imagine that it's Keith and he calls him Keith in his mind, don't judge him — glides his right hand down on Lance's left arm, the gentle touch a harsh contrast to the needy kisses, and ‘Keith’ is cupping Lance's face now, his strong palm brushing his jaw and turning his head a bit to deepen the kiss.

 

Lance can't even process what's going on, his body reacts so eagerly, he feels like jelly, like vivid lava is bubbling within his veins, and when ‘Keith's’ tongue pushes inside, he's shaking so much that he's sure he's about to pass out.

 

The kiss continues, it's getting better, and it's hot, and French, and with saliva, and Lance lets out a sound that he'll be embarrassed about forever.

 

He's pretty caught up in the heat of the moment, he frees his left arm because ‘Keith’ doesn't pay attention to holding Lance anymore. Lance really wants to touch ‘Keith’ even if he knows it would certainly ruin the illusion, but right before he could reach ‘Keith’, his arm gets stopped.

 

‘Keith’ is not kissing him anymore, and it's like the time has stopped, and it's only Lance's ragged breathing, his hammering heart and the other person's slow, controlled, but still quite arrhythmic breathing. Lance's eyes are still covered but he swears he can feel it that he’s being stared at, and it's so intense his cheeks flush even redder, but then his arms are held up again — it's like ‘Keith’ wants to assert dominance and Lance would be lying if he said his dirty imagination didn't enjoy it.

 

Warm, and moist, and kiss-swollen lips are back on Lance again, greedy mouth wanders down his jawline to his neck, then up to his ears, a bite on his earlobe, and Lance can't help the cool breeze running along his spine and he's shivering. Lance's skin sings where those impatient lips touch him, sucking and kissing and biting, his jeans are suddenly too much, too troublesome and they press too hard against his pulsing dick, thanks to ‘Keith's’ thigh pressing up against him, rubbing him teasingly.

 

Lance is a mixture of emotions, like a stormy ocean, he feels like he cannot stay still but ‘Keith’ holds him, anchoring him to this moment, and the body pressing against Lance is so lean yet so strong, and it's warm, so warm, reckless and untameable like wildfire, and it's…

 

“K-keith…”

 

The name, his sweet little secret escapes from his mouth, the single syllable echoing in the silence of his room. Lance feels so fucking weak, he can't even breathe and he just wants to die because ‘Keith’ freezes, a clear evidence that Lance's moan didn't go unheard.

 

Lance isn't lying to himself, he's aware he's pretty much turned on — or he _was_. Because he starts panicking now, worry, and shame, and embarrassment washing over him, and whatthehellwashethinking, and he's so doomed because whoever this person is now knows about his crush and there's no way Lance can get out of this…

 

But Lance still would say something, anything to make this terrible tension disappear, but then the lips return to seal with his. Lance almost chokes on air because it's so unexpected and he doesn't understand why it's so much tenderer, pulling the strings of his heart and he feels like dying.

 

He cannot take this, it's just… too much and it's not real anyway, it's probably just a freshman who drank too much and mistook Lance's room for his own. Or maybe someone just decided to prank him and this is livestreaming now and everyone is making fun of him, maybe even Keith is watching, snorting at what a gigantic idiot Lance is.

 

Lance breaks away from the kiss, it's just too affectionate, too _loving_ , and it messes him up, and he just doesn't even deserve it.

 

Also, a bit of correction: he doesn't want it if it's not the real Keith.

 

“I-I can't… I c-can't do this.” He doesn't like to sound so broken and he clearly doesn't think this person would let him go anyway, so he's rather confused when they don't move for a while, freezing up like when Lance gasped Keith's name.

 

Seconds feel like endless hours and Lance wonders if his random makeout partner is still present, when his blindfold is gone and the first thing Lance can spot in the thick darkness is a pair of indigo eyes sparkling like two stars, and Lance is about to die because HOLY SHIT.

 

“Kei—”

 

“Shh…” Keith Always-Grumpy-And-Too-Emo-In-General Kogane gently places one finger on Lance's mouth, and it's enough to make Lance's heart lift up and down between his chest and throat, making him feel like it will break out of his ribcage at any moment.

 

As his eyes are adjusting to the dark, Lance can definitely see better but Keith is still just a shadowy shape — a very sexy one, he might say — yet the mischievous shimmering in his vibrant eyes and a just barely visible crooked smile make Lance's heart stop, not to mention when Keith visibly starts to lower himself and kneel down in front of Lance.

 

When one’s dreams are coming fucking true, one should not protest. Except it was always a bit more romantic and a different setting in Lance's wet dreams, and he can't help himself from asking.

 

“But what are you doing? A-are you high?” That can’t even be possible, like they were just fighting not so long ago, what is even happening and how?!

 

“Isn't it obvious? I'm taking your offer.” Keith replies, voice deep and raw, and Lance’s nape tingles.

 

So many questions run through Lance’s head but he's too shocked to speak, heart racing so much that he's sure Keith can hear it and he's going to have a heart attack. But damn Keith because if Lance doesn't ruin the mood, he does.

 

“You're not protesting though? It's unusual for you to be so quiet,” he sneers.

 

“Stop talking so I don't hear your stupid voice and I can picture someone else instead!”

 

Lance gets fazed, more shocked about his own response than about how Keith just stares up at him, rather astonished. Lance expects Keith to leave because he's being a big time jerk again, and honestly, it's so ridiculous of him to keep pretending now. But Lance is dying and he can't help himself; he has confessed to Keith and he gave himself away, when Keith hasn’t even said anything, and Lance feels so _vulnerable_ , it scares him, and he tries not to let it show.

 

And how does he do that? Talking bullshit that both of them know is untrue.

 

_Very mature, McClain, very mature…_

 

Keith doesn't add anything for a long time, he's just eyeing Lance with that unreadable expression, a lavender shining dancing in his deep purple-grey irises. He's still kneeling, hands resting on Lance's thighs, face just inches away from Lance's crotch and the pure sight, no matter how dim the room is, is enough to make Lance's dick pulse.

 

“You can tell me stop,” Keith dares. He can't see but Lance's Adam’s apple is bobbing up and down, he can barely manage to swallow down his saliva, because who would've thought Keith Kogane was such a fucking _tease_?!

 

Keith doesn't even wait for Lance's reply, like he just flicked a switch, turning on his sexual mode, he returns to dealing with Lance, fingers tiptoeing toward Lance's crotch, unzipping his fly. The buzzing sound makes a harsh impact on Lance's ringing eardrums, he can't even breathe, he can't even close his mouth or swallow, and Keith, although he still glances up at Lance from time to time, questioning and awaiting, doesn't stop for a second, and holy fuck because he's taking out Lance's cock now and he does it so slowly, with that stupid hungry glow in his eyes like he really enjoys it.

 

(Lance hopes he does.)

 

Lance doesn't need direct light in the room or Keith to comment on it — however, the sudden sparkle in his eyes are rather telling — he knows he's already hard. He's _too hard_ if that can be possible, his dick throbbing and aching, and when Keith touches him, Lance is already choking on air, because it's real, it's happening and it's way better than any of his imaginings.

 

Also, there's just no way he can survive this.

 

Keith stops then, and Lance is horrified that maybe he has changed his mind or worse: he can be just pulling a prank, but then he hears a shuffling sound, and he can see that Keith wants to remove his gloves.

 

“Don't…”

 

Keith freezes, staring up at Lance in confusion.

 

“What?”

 

“Leave ‘em on.” Lance is dying, and he's way too hot for this, and he's going to die, but he needs this. “The gloves… it's better.” It's extra embarrassing because his voice sounds absolutely wrecked already, he could barely pronounce the words that are also muffled by his hands, and it's really difficult to breathe when Keith is looking up at him like that.

 

“Is it?” Damn Keith, that overcoming his confusion, he's grinning now, touching Lance again, slowly, and Lance knows he's doing this on purpose.

 

Even if none of them says a word anymore, their eyes are locked and it's like a silent communication between them; Lance recalls all occasions he made a mocking comment about Keith's gloves, and now his secret is out, he’s cut open and ripped apart like an overused book.

 

Lance can't take the shimmering glint in Keith’s eyes anymore, it’s too vibrant, too _mocking_ to him, so he closes his eyes, because if he can't actually see Keith jerking him with his gloves on, then what's the point of keeping them open anyway? And it's maybe better like that, because he can pay more attention to what he feels, and oh god, he's feeling too fucking much. He is heaving and panting, the rough material triggers his hot skin just the perfect way, and he is choking, he can't breathe, and he's moaning, and he hates it, but fuck, it just feels so good…

 

…until Keith removes his hands again.

 

“You're gonna mess up my gloves.” He chuckles, and Lance can't distinguish between feeling regret and shame, it's like he feels both and neither, all new emotions swirling inside him.

 

All he knows that he wants more.

 

“I'm gonna buy you new ones. Like ten pairs at least.” Lance tries with the blackmailing, and he absolutely doesn't care if he sounds too desperate anymore, because Keith's hands are temporarily gone, and the chilly air assaulting his too hot skin is just unbearable, and he needs Keith to be touching him again.

 

“Ten?” Keith's eyes are on him, intrigued.

 

“You need more? I can buy you more.”

 

“That sounds tempting,” Keith giggles, lips forming a wicked smile. He'd never need that many but hey, it's free, and Lance is being very funny being so willing to do anything for a blow job.

 

When Keith's hands are back on Lance again, Lance is happy because Keith's warm palms are wrapped around his dick, enveloping him in cozy warmth, but he's also sad, because Keith's hands are bare. Skin meets skin, and although Lance misses the friction and the gloves in general, he has to admit that removing them has its own advantage too.

 

“But I wanna feel you.”

 

Lance's heart leaps hearing that. Keith frowns for a while, as if he didn't actually mean to say that out loud, but he doesn't add anything else and Lance is too excited to ask, because he's still revelling in what Keith has said, the words echoing in his mind, sounding sweeter than any praise.

 

Okay, so maybe Lance has a kind of kink for Keith's gloves. And for Keith telling him shit like that. But to be honest, Lance has a huge kink for Keith in general, and to have Keith's hands on him, wrapped around Lance like he was born to do this, is… let's say, the experience has its effects on Lance, and his body is very eager to react.

 

“Fuck.” Keith comments suddenly, pre-come leaking out of Lance's throbbing cock. In the next moment, he leans closer, sticking out his tongue and licking him clean without second thoughts.

 

Lance can't even look at Keith's dark figure without exploding, but he can't tear his eyes away either, and for the umpteenth time during the event, he wishes he could actually see Keith right now. Lance can't believe this is true, that Keith still has his hands on him, rubbing him or just holding him while Keith is using his tongue, tasting and licking, and it's just too much in general…

 

But then Keith tilts his head, opens his mouth, and it's so hot and moist, and it's Keith's mouth, trying to take him in always a bit deeper and braver, and it's Keith's tongue, licking along his whole length and then sucking on the tip, and he keeps repeating this pattern while his hands are stimulating Lance too, every movement causing pleasure, and it's so much pleasure, and it’s Keith, he is _inside_ Keith, and Lance cannot… possibly… take it… anymore…

 

Fierce warmth shoots right through Lance, and before he could even warn Keith, he comes, he fucking comes undone in the first five minutes, his come sprinkling on Keith's face, into his mouth, on his clothes and probably everywhere else, and Lance is going to die because this just cannot happen!!

 

But it did, it's done, and the silence is too unbearable, Keith is frozen like a statue, he doesn't even blink.

 

Lance would like to say something but he can't really form words, also he doubts he could even speak at all, all apologies and self-blaming screaming in his loud mind while he's riding through his body-shattering orgasm.

 

Then Keith starts laughing, he's laughing so hard and Lance would be really joyful about it, because it really is a beautiful sound, if it wasn't because of his… well, let’s say _malfunction_.

 

“I barely did anything.” Keith laughs so much that he hiccups actually, while Lance is dying — he liked to call himself the sharpshooter because he was excellent in shooting games but this was not what he meant.

 

“That girl really worked you up.” And Keith is still giggling and he doesn't even care that Lance is so ashamed and he's dead, he just keeps ridiculing Lance.

 

To make it worse, Keith seems to totally misunderstand, and what the hell? However, Lance could use this opportunity to save himself some embarrassment, it should make Lance feel relieved but it does _not_. Because Keith either doesn't understand him or he’s just making fun of him, and Lance shouldn’t give up the last remnants of his dignity, but he's tired of hiding his feelings in favour of his ego.

 

“It wasn't… That's not…” Lance tries but the words just don't want to come. But to be honest, how could Lance say a word when he's being such a virgin and Keith is laughing at him, and Lance thinks Keith must have much more experience than him, he's so cool and confident while Lance is being a joke, and he just wants to disappear.

 

“Don't tell this to anyone…” he mumbles, ashamed and defeated, already imagining the whole campus teasing him about it.

 

“Ha! Not like I would be bragging about blowing you…” Keith rolls his eyes but then he catches the apparent hurt in Lance’s eyes and he shuts up.

 

He shouldn't be so hypocritical since he was pretty obviously keen on doing this, but it’s still _Lance_ , and it doesn’t matter if this accident happened, they are still what they are, right? But Lance is so weird, and Keith just can't understand him, he's confusing. His words can hold a lot of different meaning, and maybe Keith is too one-sided to always take it in the most offending way? But, when is Lance not offending him, anyway?

 

Although if Keith imagined himself in Lance's place, he would be pretty much embarrassed too. Keith feels confronted, for one part he’d want to reassure Lance that it’s okay, but they aren’t as close and Lance wouldn’t take it well for sure. On the other hand, Keith can’t really say anything because he still feels kind of proud of getting Lance off, his only regret is that it's over and he wishes it lasted a bit longer, though.

 

But there’s no time for that because Lance is shuffling, and Keith realises he should probably get himself together too, because Lance's cum — HOLY HELL — is rather sticky on his skin and he should clean up. He stands up, not knowing what to do, it's just so awkward really, but then Lance hands him a tissue.

 

“Uhh… thanks.” Not like he sees anything in the darkness, Keith is about to ask if he can go to the bathroom, when Lance starts to stutter.

 

“Should I, like, make it up to you?”

 

“What are you suggesting?!” Keith can see the shadow of Lance, he's avoiding to look at Keith, scratching the back of his head and if it wasn’t Lance McClain, Keith would think he must be _blushing_.

 

“I mean… I could blow you... “ Lance offers, voice strangely shaky and barely audible and Keith's soul leaves his body.

 

“Do you even know how to do it?” But apparently it's his reflex to just be as much of an asshole as Lance. Keith feels like such a jerk, mostly because Lance’s eyes are weirdly glossy, shimmering too much, but he can’t be tearing up, right?

 

Another reason why Keith absolutely despises himself is that he sounds so smug, like he would be the ace of cock sucking when in reality he's very far from that. Apart from his experience in masturbation, he mostly just went after his intuition and he just got lost in the moment when he was kneeling in front of Lance, he did what he wanted to and what he would've liked to receive if it was the other way around.

 

And of course, it was the power of tumblr too.

 

“Why would you want to do that?” Lance doesn't respond, he's too silent and Keith needs to ask, because he is shamelessly getting turned on by the single idea of Lance having one good word to him, let alone giving him a blow job, and he needs to know if Lance is serious.

 

It's pretty difficult because Keith wants this, but he also can't accept a lame apology cock sucking just because Lance might feel like he owes Keith. Besides, why would Lance McClain, notorious womaniser even want to do such a thing?

 

Lance would snort at that comment but he's still trying to get himself together.

 

“Because I’ve kinda… been… dreaming about it?” He admits, avoiding to look at Keith, but then his eyes are on him, cobalt blue glowing shyly and in excitement.

 

Keith cannot process this, because it doesn’t make sense, does it? Maybe this isn’t even happening right now.

 

“I thought I was your rival!” He argues.

 

“That was just a cover up!” Lance knows he shouldn't yell but he can't help himself. “I had a crush on you since high school but you didn't even remember me! Can you imagine what I felt?! To have my very first day in college ruined like that?”

 

Oops. He didn't actually want to let Keith know that tiny detail. He's sure going to be bragging about it until the end of the world, and just how many more times will Lance embarrass himself tonight?!

 

“You? Have a crush on me? Since high school?”

 

_The fuck?_

 

Okay, Lance needs to calm a bit down (hint: it's impossible) and take a few breaths, before hitting Keith on the forehead out of frustration. He is aware it may be too much for Keith to stomach this, because Lance is a brilliant actor as it seems, but this is too much now. How many times does he have to tell Keith that he likes him?

 

Lance tries to be understanding though, because he'd probably react the same way if it was the other way around, so he nods, but remembering that Keith might not see it, he mumbles a barely audible “Yes”.

 

His heart is racing, waiting for Keith's reply that comes after a rather long pause: a very not graceful snort.

 

“Just how drunk are you??”

 

“What? I am sober, Mr I-Am-Totally-Gonna-Show-Up-In-Your-Room-To-Just-Blindfold-You-And-Blow-You-On-A-Sudden-Whim!”

 

“Y-you told me all those things first!!”

 

“And since when do you do as I say? Besides, I was talking about blow jobs, not Fifty Shades of Grey!”

 

They're bickering again, Lance doesn't even know how they got here, all he knows is that Keith is really insufferable. He doesn't even know why he likes him, he's just too obnoxious and too weird, like he was just dropped off to Earth by aliens and he doesn't understand English at all. Or maybe Lance’s English isn't that good after all.

 

“You… You're just messing with me again, I'm going back to my room,” Keith declares after a long pause, and Lance's world just shatters. He doesn't want that, but he can't ever stop Keith from doing what he wants, it's just not happening.

 

“Stay. Please.” It just bursts out of him, and Lance hates himself so much because he sounds so desperate, and it's just so humiliating how he's clinging to Keith, when he's clearly not interested anymore. Because if he were, he would've said something already now that Lance has confessed to him practically _twice_ , but all he does is staring at Lance with that weird glint in his eyes, and Lance is just an idiot for making this more difficult.

 

Maybe it was just a one time thing for Keith. Maybe he realised that he wants no more and Lance won't beg — not again, he can totally be chill about this.

 

“And your roommate?” Keith asks then (because he really shouldn't just run out of Lance's room with his cum all over his face anyway) and that's all about Lance being chill.

 

“Pidge went home for the weekend.” He tries to seem less eager, but now that Keith knows that they have two days just for themselves, Lance wonders what he's going to do with it.

 

“Okay, but what do you wanna do?” Lance almost snorts at Keith's query, he just told Keith what he was willing to do, why is he like this?

 

Lance's mind is like a busy road, thoughts rushing back and forth, crashing and colliding until realisation hits: so apparently Keith doesn't want Lance to do such things to him. Maybe he thinks Lance is a terrible lover — which is actually true, and it's okay, they can still do a lot of other things, right? They could watch movies or study together… on a Friday night… right after Keith got him off and he just wanted to walk away but Lance plays the clingy and hysterical persona here, as it seems.

 

No. He won't let his mind ruin this — Keith isn't someone who would stay if he didn't want to. His decision is sure odd because Lance was sure he'd be gone sooner than he'd blink even once but they still made out and everything, and that's like a positive answer, right? There's no need for him to overthink this.

 

But despite his best efforts, Lance is still getting nervous and he's pressed because Keith is waiting for his response and Lance will answer in any second now, his brain just doesn't really work at the moment. Because all the things he wants with Keith, Keith probably doesn't want with him, like cuddling and just harmlessly being together in general, without doing anything in particular.

 

And they should talk, like really talk about things, but Lance is still terrified of rejection, because Keith would only reject him that's just for sure, and he wants to delay it as long as he can.

 

“I dunno… Just sleep with me? Like sleep sleep.” Honesty slips off Lance's tongue however, he's waiting for Keith to start laughing. He surprisingly doesn't, but he does seem like he's just seen a ghost.

 

“Really?” Keith perplexes, but forgive him he needs some extra confirmation because Lance says a lot of weird things tonight, and Keith is both happy and confused, and he's also scared because this is just too good to be true, and how they got into this situation from fighting is just pretty insane.

 

Lance just hums, and Keith suddenly remembers that it must be quite late now and he surely must be sleepy.

 

“Okay.” He shrugs, trying not to seem too excited. Lance feels like he's just got on the top of a mountain, but then he falls down from his high sooner than a snow slide. “But I gotta clean myself up first. You—”

 

“I KNOW, MAN, DON’T SAY IT!” Lance covers Keith's mouth but then he realises what he's doing and he becomes flustered, he releases Keith and steps away. “I mean please? I feel pretty bad about it.”

 

Lance can't face Keith like this, even if he's sheltered in the dark, it's just too embarrassing… But he can feel Keith's stare lingering on him, and his already warm face gets even redder, but even if he's dying, he can't not look at Keith for too long. So when Lance takes a glimpse at him, he can see a pair of miraculously purple eyes glinting at him in disbelief, and Lance feels like screaming.

 

Why is it so hard for Keith to believe that he has feelings for him?!

 

Oh wait, Lance has a great ability to disguise his insecurities and deepest feelings. First it was cool, people never saw his ugly side, but it really sucks when he has to realise that now no one believes him when he opens up, apparently.

 

But Keith has every right to be so unbelieving, because it's Lance's fault in the first place. He has to be patient, even if it's really trying, or it hurts him, actually.

 

Keith needs some time to process this, and he needs a couple of minutes alone, because he's just totally ended up in Lance's room and he's going to spend the rest of the night here as it seems, and it's just too surreal, even if he's pinched himself three times now.

 

“Can I use your bathroom?” Keith needs to get away, to calm down a bit, and also he needs some water because Lance's fluids dried on his skin, and it's really itchy now.

 

“Sure.” Lance is grateful because that means he has some time to collect himself, and, oh boy, he wishes he could text Hunk or Pidge about this mess he's gotten into, and ask for advice.

 

Keith then moves, and Lance only hears a click, and the lamp is flashing, and oh god no!

 

“Don't turn on the lights,” he jumps in front of Keith, turning it off immediately. “I feel so awkward.”

 

Lance guides Keith to the bathroom and then he leaves him before the lights get turned on there, and now Keith is alone, eyes burning from the too bright luminosity as he's staring at his own cum-soaked face in the mirror and wondering how he even got here.

 

His mind is a troubled mess, Lance's words revolving around in his head like violent tides clashing during a thunderstorm, and Keith has to remind himself that Lance probably meant that he's still embarrassed about coming too early, and not because he's with Keith. Because he didn't stop him, right? Or was he so eager to get off, it didn't even matter to him who he put his dick into?!

 

But why does he want to sleep, and like sleep sleep with Keith now? Maybe he wants another go later? Has Keith just become Lance's personal slut now? He can only blame himself, though, and he should be ashamed that he actually doesn't mind at all, but how could he when Lance is so very different in private than in public?

 

Okay, they still bicker and don't really get along when his dick isn't in Keith's mouth, and Keith was pretty reckless jumping on Lance, but forgive him, he can't really feel bad about it when things escalated here.

 

**_I had a crush on you since high school._ **

 

Lance’s words echo in his brain suddenly. Keith believes he’s an open-minded person but he has a hard time accepting that statement. Although if he thinks back, knowing this tiny fact casts a different shade on things; Lance's words, his actions, they all can be interpreted differently, and it actually makes sense even if it seems crazy.

 

So let's say, it is true — that means this might not be Lance's meanest prank ever.

 

And okay, maybe Lance fancies him. For real.

 

That means his crush actually likes him back.

 

The question is, what the fuck is Keith supposed to do now?! Not like he has experience in dating or whatever.

 

Lance said he felt hurt when Keith didn't recognise him back then. Keith now kind of feels bad about it, but he didn't mean to hurt Lance, he really just didn't remember him. Not until Shiro found an old photo from high school when they were skyping on his first week in college.

 

Shiro was cleaning the house or something, right after Keith moved here, and he stumbled upon the picture and he sent it to Keith immediately. Keith, although he felt triggered by Shiro even mentioning high school, knew Shiro was just excited to find an old photo of him, and Keith didn't want to be rude or ruin his jovial mood, so he received the scanned file and acted like he actually took a look at it, grunting when Shiro said that he was so adorable dressing as the frontman of a rock band, and just showing the regular disgust to seeing old photos of himself.

 

Keith didn't like lying to Shiro, but he didn't want to trouble him with his stupid feelings, and it could be counted as a white lie. He didn't actually see the photo until he was doing an assignment and he accidentally opened it. Then he spotted a teenager Lance McClain abruptly, and everything clicked.

 

When Keith saw Lance he thought he was cute. Then he actually came up to Keith one day, kind and smiley, but Keith thought he was just mocking him — _everyone_ bullied him for various reasons — and… Well, let's say, he wasn't friendly at all the first time Lance approached him.

 

Lance slowly changed after that. He started rivalising with Keith, competing about grades and everything he could make a competition about, he always provoked Keith, and it was really maddening. Still, it was a delight for Keith, really, because even if Lance hated him, it wasn't exactly because of why everyone else hated him, and it kind of felt light-hearted, especially compared to what others did to him before.

 

Lance was like a small puppy, barking the loudest while he was pretty much harmless for real. Their bickering even entertained Keith at times.

 

But then he got kicked out of the Garrison, and he did everything in his power to forget about that goddamned place, just like he did everything to forget about the school he attended before that. And the face of Lance McClain just left his head as easily.

 

If Lance really missed him indeed, Keith feels kind of horrible now, because it was so long ago! Keith only has had a crush on Lance for the second semester of his freshman year, and he still doesn't understand how it developed. Because okay, Lance is good-looking, he's always been, but just like in high school, Keith got pretty turned off when Lance opened his mouth and proved to be a jerk.

 

But months passed and Keith caught himself staring too much and he noticed small details about Lance, like his barely visible freckles when he challenged Keith to a drinking competition and they were standing too close. Keith even liked Lance's big ears, they were cute, but of course, his broad shoulders and narrow waist, nice butt and breathtakingly long legs were definitely Keith's top favourite things.

 

Not to mention his eyes, Keith’s favourite shade of blue, they always seemed like an endless ocean Keith weirdly felt compelled to get lost and drown in.

 

Keith realises he got too carried away, he spots himself in the mirror, eyes shining as he's thinking about Lance. Is he always looking like this? Has anyone else noticed? Why does he look so radiant with Lance on his mind?

 

This really upsets him, and he’s aware he’s probably spent too much time in here, so he washes his face, trying not to dwell on the memories and forget about Lance's taste that is still on his tongue, and he takes his shirt off, trying to clean it. He can leave it here to dry, and since Lance said he preferred being in the dark now, he won't notice that Keith is shirtless, right?

 

When he returns to Lance's room, heart hammering a bit too hard, Keith feels too thrilled that he's doing this, and he's probably overreacting — correction: he knows he's overreacting, but he's shirtless in Lance's room, while he's with Lance and thank god it's still comforting darkness around.

 

Because he feels so dirty, like he's committing a crime, especially since leaving the bathroom and the bright lights, his eyes have to adjust to the dark again, he's stumbling and floundering and he feels like a clumsy thief trying to manoeuvre his way through Lance's room.

 

“I thought you got away through the air vent,” Lance's voice sounds up, making Keith slightly startled.

 

Keith is a paranoid person. That and his former experiences that were not so stellar always make him think that people only have bad intentions: every word is mockery and insult, every act of kindness is a deceptive lie, a beautifully wrapped present that hides a sharp knife, ready to be shoved into his back, and this makes him react unfriendly and rude whenever people approach him.

 

With all that, Keith's initial reaction is to be as hostile toward Lance as Lance mostly has been toward him, so excuse him that he can't just adapt in seconds, no matter what strange things have just happened, he needs time to process it.

 

“You messed up my shirt, I had to clean it!” Keith passionately defends himself, lightly scolding Lance but regrets his admission right after.

 

Lance falls silent, it's like he doesn't even breathe and Keith is becoming more tense by the second.

 

“So… you're shirtless now?” Lance asks, voice strangely shaky.

 

“Yeah.” Keith is trying to be cool but he can feel warm, thick blood rushing up to his head, flushing his pale cheeks.

 

_Shit._

 

“Y-you could've used the hairdryer to dry your shirt.” Lance stutters, heart racing too much. He can't decide which one is better: being able to hide how much he's dying or not being able to witness Keith Kogane in his half bare glory.

 

Keith feels stupid, because he recalls seeing a hairdryer in the bathroom but it just didn't occur to him to use it. His frustration grows by the second, he goes all defensive again.

 

“What? You let me blow you but now you can't handle me being shirtless?”

 

There's a strange noise that kind of sounds like Lance choking on air.

 

“That's not it!” _It's exactly that._ Lance may be 21 but it's not like he has shirtless men, _shirtless Keiths_ hanging around his place all the time, right after they gave Lance a blow job, so his inability handling the situation can be forgiven.

 

(Besides, Lance is on the verge of exploding ever since he returned to his room, his mind is a screaming mess, he's battling a steady freak-out attack for minutes now, and his little heart can't take such things as Keith Kogane’s “harmless” half nudity.)

 

“You're gonna catch a cold, it's still chilly at nights.” His argument is so very reasonable, being early spring and all, right?

 

“Whatever,” Keith shrugs, seeming careless but he's dying inside, the surging awkwardness quite unbearable — maybe staying with Lance was his worst choice second to giving him a blow job, but he won't back away now.

 

Mainly because even if it's crazy, he cannot let such an opportunity go.

 

So Keith goes back to the bathroom, leaving Lance alone with the oncoming anxiety attack he’s trying to pull through. He couldn’t even process the events of the night, everything seems just too fucking dreamy, and then Keith just decides he can threaten Lance’s weak heart with being half clothesless.

 

Extremely rude.

 

The whirring buzz of the hairdryer blares, tone dulled by the the walls and a closed door, and Lance cannot help himself, his mind is a raging mess, going to places Lance can’t forbid it go, flashing scenarios before his mind’s eye ruthless and untameable. He imagines Keith in his bathroom, bare-chested and probably pouting grumpily, but the emphasis is on his flashing pale skin Lance longs to touch so badly, and he can feel his brain getting fried at the thought.

 

Because Keith… did what he did, and he’s still here, and what the fuck is Lance supposed to do now? And a better question: why the heck did Keith decide to do that and stay if he just doesn’t bother commenting on Lance’s fucked up confession? Like, Keith Kogane can randomly blow him but it's impossible to get him say anything about the whole thing? Is he enjoying making Lance’s time more difficult?

 

Well, Lance can play along, he can always get what he wants.

 

(Except when he can't.)

 

Lance is too nervous, he has to do something to keep himself occupied before he passes out, but he’s already changed to his pajamas, and he can’t really do anything else until Keith is in the bathroom. Also he cannot do his nightly routine after Keith has finished either, because Lance fears that Keith would just sneak out if he went away to brush his teeth and do his regular skincare (Lance hopes his pores will understand but this is a very special situation).

 

Keith is still occupied with his shirt, and Lance thinks he still has some time before he comes back, so he takes another mint flavoured Winterfresh to still do something for the sake of his hygiene, trying not to feel too filthy because he’s skipping showering tonight.

 

He considers calling for help again — he ditched the idea the first time Keith was away, thinking that Hunk or Pidge couldn’t help him with this case anyway, but now he really feels desperate, and he just needs someone to talk to.

 

But it’s too late now, ‘cause Keith turns off the hairdryer and he’s coming back now, and Lance has a hard time breathing, but no, he won’t just break down here. He tries to collect himself, he spits out the chewing gum before he chokes on it and wraps it in a tissue and throws it under his pillow. At least his breath is fresh, even if his life is about to end.

 

“Happy now?” Keith taunts, and Lance can picture him rolling his eyes. He doesn’t know what to do now, he has absolutely no idea how things will unfold and it’s giving him just as much anxiety as stupid joy, and he doesn’t know what deity he should be thankful for having Keith here with him, even if it’s awkward and rather uncomfortable.

 

Keith is just the same, and he’s very grateful that his attitude can shelter his inner apocalypse. He didn’t mean to come off so insulting either, but he’s not on top of things at all, besides, he’s known to be the most socially awkward person ever.

 

“Well, I guess you wouldn’t have wanted my shirt anyway,” Lance finds himself blabbering, cursing himself why he’s so incompetent at having only one reasonably cool conversation with Keith for once. Because even if Keith felt like doing certain things with him, Lance shouldn’t scare him away being so eager and weird suddenly — like, to Keith, they aren’t even friends probably, and Lance must be lightyears ahead of him.

 

God, Lance wishes he knew how to actually behave in relationships, but even if he was as suave as he liked to picture himself be, maybe Keith still has very different needs, because he’s just so unique, and what if he doesn’t like cliché and conventional things??

 

Lance realises he actually doesn’t fucking know anything personal about Keith, there’s just too many possibilities for error, and his brain is about to explode.

 

“You wanted to offer me your shirt?” Keith wonders, and Lance gets the urge to hide under the bed, because of course he is freaking Keith out. He tries to save the situation, though.

 

“I-it’s not a big deal, I do it with Hunk and Pidge all the time.”

 

 _Right_ , Keith ponders. This is a totally usual thing for friends to do — it’s just only confusing him because he’s not used to this, nor is he used to Lance being… ahem, _friendly_ with him, because that’s what they are, right? Bros having crush on each other and blowing each other and occasionally sleep-sleeping together. There’s nothing extra in that.

 

Minutes pass in ear-splitting silence again. Keith reckons it really must be time for sleep now, so he decides it’s time to take action. Too bad it’s still fucking dark in here and he keeps bumping into things trying to get to Pidge’s bed.

 

“What are you doing?” Lance enquires.

 

“You said your roommate is out, I’m gonna use their bed.” Keith reveals, and he’s actually pretty fucking sensible and right, except Lance has other plans.

 

Okay, so now Keith either plays hard to get — _seriously?_ — or he really just wants to make this more difficult than necessary.

 

 _The little shit_.

 

To be honest, Lance can understand where Keith comes from, really (he guesses that Keith is just enjoying the situation too much) and probably he’d do the same if Keith confessed to him.

 

Lance has to stop and reflect on things for a second. Would Keith Kogane ever confess to him? Is there anything to confess at all? Because sure, Keith has given Lance the biggest surprise in history ever, but what if Keith does this all the time? What if Lance’s crush is just catering to his ego but it means nothing else?

 

Lance finds himself stressing about the same thing again, and he owes Keith a reply, again, and he’d be really grateful if someone would tell him how to behave in a situation like this.

 

“But… umm, they don’t like people in their bed…” he mutters, ears burning. He must look like a scarlet sunset.

 

“They’re not here,” Keith argues.

 

“You don't know Pidge, they can sense these stuff…” _Oh, Lance, you're so fucking clever_. “Sometimes I think they have cameras installed and bugged the whole room.”

 

Well, whatever it is what Keith is doing, he will end up in Lance McClain’s bed one way or another.

 

“Fine,” Keith shrugs, a bit irritated with Lance now. He seems like he wants to chase Keith away — has he changed his mind? Should he take the hint and leave? He settles for going for the floor, it's not like he hasn't slept there before, and that will make it easier to get out of here if Lance falls asleep.

 

“What do you think you're doing?” Lance asks when he hears Keith shuffling around — the noise is clearly coming from down below.

 

“You said you wanted to sleep, so I'm going to sleep.”

 

“On the floor?! Dude… you can lie in my bed.” Lance blurts it out before he loses his courage.

 

Keith suddenly can't breathe. It's one thing to trying to deep-throat Lance in the dark and stay for the night, but sharing a bed with him is another — like, is he really allowed to do that? — not to mention how he's scared to death thinking about the morning that's inevitable and will be here sooner than anticipated.

 

Lance is getting worried, because Keith doesn't respond and he's fucking this up big time, and why is he so annoyingly clingy, he should've let Keith go. If Keith wanted to say anything about… about _their thing_ , he would’ve already, and Lance is only making this worse for both of them — at least he should be thoughtful about his dignity, there must be some of it remaining inside him somewhere.

 

 _Why don’t you just ask him?_ A voice sounds up, hopeful and encouraging but Lance can’t really do that. You can call him immature and a coward, but he’s made a lot of effort tonight, it’s Keith’s turn to do something, clearly!

 

 _He did_ , the voice comes back, slightly chiding. The memory is still too vivid for Lance, recalling it gives him shivers.

 

Keith Kogane isn’t very talkative — Lance knows that very well. He’s passionate and impulsive, more of a doer than anything else. To Lance’s bad fortune, he needs words, he’s thirsty for them, yearning and aching, he needs them to fill the holes in his self-esteem, bricks of validation to keep his crumbling confidence intact.

 

Lance knows deep down that actions are just as much telling as words — on the contrary, they can be more truthful, more sincere than any pretty little lie. In Lance’s mind, Keith isn’t the person to shower him with compliments and terms of endearment, he can’t help himself still wanting, though.

 

He’s getting a bit frustrated, he thinks he’s just selfish demanding attention all the time, and it makes his self-hatred just grow. He shouldn’t be so needy and he shouldn’t get mad because Keith isn’t pampering him — their history is messy, and it’s the longest they have gone without coming at each other’s throats, and he really shouldn’t mess this up with his ridiculous desires. He’s on the way, he knows, and it’s inevitable, because his mind is a weapon and he just cannot let himself rest.

 

“I mean only if you’re okay with that,” he adds, trying to seem more normal.

 

“Sure,” Keith breathes, because he cannot seem to say anything else. Back in the bathroom drying his shirt he considered talking about a few things with Lance, but he dismissed the idea, for one: he’s too scared to ask, and two: Lance tends to become very much hysterical whenever Keith addresses certain topics, and he doesn’t even know how he should even propound it or if Lance wants to talk about it in the first place.

 

Keith is in doubt, because Lance seems to be so off today — Keith can’t help himself, his longing little heart and too imaginative brain feeding him the craziest ideas about why Lance wanted him to stay. Keith tries to seem casual, but he’s in fact terrified — he doesn’t have experience in this, he doesn’t know what to do, how to react.

 

What the most shocking part is that they haven’t exactly bantered for some time, and Keith likes that very much — and he wishes this would go on forever. But Keith is still pretty much negative and unbelieving and careful, he just can’t believe Lance would really want to keep him around without reasons.

 

Sure, Lance told him that he’s had a crush on him, but forgive Keith that he can’t simply stomach this, his mind keeps coming up with conspiracy theories and Lance McClain to like him like that is just upright impossible.

 

But before Keith agitates himself any further and ends up running out of here out of pure despair, he needs to fucking chill because he just cannot possibly ruin a chance to getting closer to Lance. So he takes one step forward, trying not to fall over his own trembling legs as he’s supposedly going in Lance’s direction.

 

Lance reminds himself that he should keep on breathing but Keith is approaching and he hasn’t been physically close to him since… since _that_ , and he’s already feeling too hot, heart palpitating like a hardcore drum solo.

 

But then Keith is suddenly there and he almost sits on Lance, and what the heck, he should at least warn him before he does shit like that.

 

“I thought you moved over so I can take the outer side of the bed!”

 

“What? No-no-no-no, you go next to the wall, I don't like lying there.” Lance blesses his composure that he can follow through his plan to get Keith to be lying next to the wall. Because his first objective was to get Keith in his bed, the second is to get him to be the bigger spoon.

 

Because Lance will achieve that tonight, even if he dies in the process.

 

“Fine. But don't be whining if I push you off the bed.” Keith grunts, slightly intimidated. He crawls into the bed and lies down, careful not to touch Lance accidentally.

 

Lance doesn’t realise he holds back his breath until Keith is fidgeting around, finding a comfortable spot. It’s Lance’s turn to take his place and lie down now but he cannot be as chill about this as he imagined himself be — he’s feeling too hot, heart hammering in excitement, and he doesn’t even dare to move around, fearing that if his body brushes against Keith’s he might go off like a bomb.

 

A few moments of silence follows, and despite the fact that this is the closest they’ve ever been, they seem too far away and it’s like they aren’t even in the same bed. Keith doesn’t know what to do because he has no idea what Lance expects of him but he enjoys the quiet, while Lance is getting frustrated — because quiet means his brain is louder, he can’t even hear Keith’s breathing and what if he isn’t even here, what if he only imagined the whole thing?

 

He moves before thinking things through, out of desperation and curiosity, and when he skids inward and toward the wall and his body comes in contact with another one, and Keith’s surprised yelp comes, he still thinks he’s just dreaming.

 

“What?”

 

“You're pushing me off!”

 

“What? I don't!” Keith is confused because Lance is shoving him against the wall, and what the fuck is his issue? He was completely still, he made sure he wouldn’t bother Lance — was that his problem maybe? That’s why he’s acting ridiculously? “If you want to cuddle you could just simply say so!” He accuses, words sounding bolder than he actually is but there’s a chance he hit the nerve because Lance visibly frowns.

 

Lance fights off a scream, trying not give himself away. He yells “I don't want to cuddle with a Mullet like you!” even if it’s to no avail since Keith can clearly see through him, besides his objection is pretty fucking ludicrous, but he just can’t help himself.

 

Keith is easily provoked, so he just pushes himself forward, and he's holding Lance, cuddling up to his back in seconds, and surprise: Lance falls dead silent, body tense and stiff like a rock. Keith expects him to start yelling and shrugging him off, but no — after the initial shock, Lance slowly relaxes, and he practically melts into Keith.

 

It’s weird and strange first, and Keith is sure Lance can hear and feel his wildly raging heart — it’s practically drumming on Lance’s back. What’s even more odd is that it still feels alright, their bodies fitting together perfectly like two pieces of a puzzle, Lance’s scent snaking around Keith, enveloping him in a dreamy bubble.

 

Maybe he should’ve done this earlier.

 

Lance doesn’t dare to move, fearing too much that even the smallest movement would shatter the mirage and he would wake up in his bed alone. But he has to get fresh air in his lungs to function, and he has to calm down somehow because he really doesn’t want to faint in this sacred moment.

 

Because Keith is indeed spooning him, his body welcoming and warm, his left arm around Lance, his hand grazing his arm, and his glove…

 

_Hold the phone!_

 

Keith cannot possibly sleep in his gloves, he’s just not allowed to taunt Lance with them and get his dirty mind all active again when they’re supposed to have a calm bonding moment.

 

But Lance is still Lance and he still cannot fucking help himself.

 

“You’re wearing your gloves?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“I can't believe you’re sleeping in them, do you even wear them in the shower?!”

 

“You didn't complain about them just a while ago…” Keith shoots back wickedly but he regrets it when he can feel Lance tense. He goes silent for seconds and guilt is eating away at him. He'd like to comfort Lance, to caress him or just hug him closer, but he feels like an intruder now that the moment is gone and he just doesn't dare to move.

 

“I'm sorry.” Lance's voice sounds up after all, low and coarse and full of shame, and Keith is cursing himself. “ _That_ was so… unprofessional.”

 

“I take it as a compliment.” Keith replies after a short pause, trying to be less of an asshole.

 

Lance is taken aback that Keith is capable of not exactly mocking him for once, but deep down he's glad, because he hates himself enough that he ruined that very special moment — it'll forever be clouded with his fiasco and he doesn't want to talk about it anymore today, but he still needs know something before they'd change the subject.

 

“Did you… do this before?” He enquires, trying to be as tactful as his shame lets him.

 

Keith feels conflicted — a part of him wants to lie, to just protect himself, and say that he did, but on one hand, he's sure Lance is asking this because he was just as bad as first timers can be (because it's one thing that he’s seen Lance being rejected all over again, he still could have sexual experiences Keith doesn’t know about). On the other hand, he feels pretty guilty about wanting to lie when Lance has told him all those things, it just feels fair to be as truthful.

 

But Keith is still just a boy who's so used to people hurting him that protecting himself is just an automatic reflex now, and opening up is just too terrifying.

 

“What do you think?” So, like the ace of verbal conversations, he responds to Lance’s question with another one.

 

Lance freezes a bit, not knowing what the heck to answer. Keith comes to his rescue however, he sighs, his warm breath tingling Lance’s even hotter skin.

 

“Was I that bad?” Keith asks then, voice sounding strangely sad and Lance is losing it because that cannot be possible!

 

“No! What the hell… I mean I thought it was pretty clear how much I enjoyed it.” And Lance is gonna die that he's just said that out loud.

 

Thank god, Keith doesn’t respond — he is too busy trying not to die but still enjoying the praise. Sheltering silence falls upon them, and Lance actually feels like he could eventually fall asleep now, until Keith unexpectedly calls his name.

 

“Lance?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“About _that_ … It's okay.” Lance’s words giving him an extreme amount of confidence and a whole other bunch of feelings Keith has never really felt before, he reassures Lance, but Lance still feels quite embarrassed and most of all frustrated.

 

“It was kinda cute.” Keith absentmindedly nuzzles his nose into Lance's neck, making him feel extremely contented suddenly, some kind of unnatural warmth filling up his chest.

 

Lance is silent first, contemplating and revelling in the sweet feeling, but then he suddenly gets more aware of Keith — his body lying behind him with no actual distance between them, and Lance realises that what they’re doing now is real and is _physical_. Keith is pressed up against him firmly and warmly, and it’s just so intoxicating that Lance simply can't behave himself… Vivid memories and feelings fill him up, he’s reliving that earlier moment, desire flowing in steadily, burning his insides, and he’s yearning and wanting, and he just can’t think about anything else, he’s _craving_.

 

“You can fuck me.” The words escape his sand-dry throat, his say muzzled into the crook of his right arm but Keith still understands it, his frown a clear evidence.

 

Lance is so afraid because he really wants this — feels like he hasn’t wanted anything as much and as achingly like this before, pure lust and thirst and longing coursing through him like an elemental fire, and it’s frightening. He’s also scared because he hasn’t done anything like that before, but now he’s said those words, the request is out, lingering around them heavily, setting Keith’s desiring heart aflame.

 

“Lance—” It’s the only word Keith can pronounce because he’s having a meltdown. Sure, he suspected that Lance would want another go later, and fuck, Keith was so willing to please him as many times as he just demanded, but not in his wildest dreams did he ever expect Lance to make such a wild offer out of nowhere. “You don't have to do this because I got you off,” he tries to be polite and calm, ignoring how his body is suddenly on fire, he can’t help his mind playing the scene — Lance underneath him — over and over and over...

 

“But I want it… And I want to make you feel good too.” And damn, because Lance doesn’t make it easier for Keith, his willingness oil to the fire. If only he knew how good Keith is feeling already, he wouldn't even bother trying to please him any further.

 

Because Keith was very much satisfied with sharing a bed with Lance without any sexual indication, but now? What is he supposed to reply? Can he really give up on this to save the innocence of the previous moment he enjoyed so much? Can he really resist?

 

Keith knows he’s impatient. Why wait when you can do it now? He acts out of impulse, always following his head and doing things in the heat of the moment — that's how he ended up in Lance's room, doing things that really were equal to sexual harassment.

 

But being with Lance, cuddling up to him, and just basking in his presence and enjoying the warmth of his body, Keith discovers something new in himself, and he doesn't really have a word for it, he just feels blissful and happy, like there's no need to rush anything — he feels good where he is at the moment.

 

So it's all these things mixing up in him when he just snuggles up to Lance a little bit closer, taking in his scent and finding comfort in it.

 

“There's always tomorrow.”

 

Keith knows it's not exactly true, but he's with Lance now, and he's so happy to be here, and he doesn't want to do anything else now, just holding him close. He just hopes Lance feels the same.

 

As for Lance, Keith never sounded so tender before. It's weird, because no one was in particular so tender with Lance before like that, and he doesn't really know how to feel about it, nor lets his brain just take a break as easily as it apparently is for Keith.

 

Because tomorrow? That's a scary thing: intangible, unpredictable, too far away.

 

Maybe Lance wakes up only to be alone in his bed again, and he has to realise that it was just a dream. Maybe Keith will be here, only to make fun of Lance in the daylight. Maybe Lance won't even wake up because he just dies out of shame. Maybe…

 

_Stop._

 

He can't do this right now, not with Keith behind him, but his brain just wouldn't chill. Lance feels so tired, he's just so _exhausted_ , he—

 

“Will you… still be here in the morning?”

 

_Stupid and clingy, you sound like a baby and it's just your first night. You're not even officially together._

 

Keith gets anxious just a bit. Is Lance trying to covertly get rid of him? Did he change his mind and he wants to kick him out? Was he even serious when he said those words? Did Keith hear him right?

 

Thoughts crush him down, and Keith realises they haven't actually done The Talk, so it's just him doing things for the safely most open way for the first time in his life when he says:

 

“If you want me to.”

 

Lance feels like breaking inside. That wasn't the reply he yearned for. It wasn't heartfelt or romantic at all, it didn't even sound like Keith. What's going on?

 

Lance snorts, his anger shooting off the roof out of nowhere. “I don't want you to be here if you don't want to.”

 

“What the… I literally just said—”

 

“ _I stay if you want me to_ ” Lance cites mockingly. “Doesn't sound like you, pal.”

 

“What's wrong with you?” Keith lifts himself up, propping himself on his elbow, and he's talking louder now, annoyance clear in his voice, and he's practically sitting now. Just a few moments and he's going to get out of Lance's bed and leave his room too.

 

Well, Lance knew this dream would come to an end. He has to wake up now, it's inevitable.

 

Keith can't believe his ears or eyes. Why is Lance playing so dirty? Why is he twisting his words? He tries not to lose his head but it's damn hard, when Lance is so confusing and unpredictable.

 

“Why can't you just—”

 

“Just what?” Lance interrupts Keith, words slipping off his tongue uncontrollably and unfiltered. “To make it easier for you? Well, okay, then fuck off, I don't want you here! But at least the great Keith Kogane could've been fucking upfront with me and tell me that he doesn't want anything with a loser like me.”

 

Keith is paralysed, he's staring at Lance in disbelief and awe like he's grown a second head. What's he talking about? Is he mad? Does he know what he's saying at all?

Keith has no idea what to do, he can't even understand what's going on, but the mood is gone, the current situation is fucked up, and he doesn't want this — he can't let it end like this, not after he's gotten a taste of Lance, and he feels so sweet Keith just refuses to give him up.

 

Lance is an idiot. He knows it and he just can't help it. It doesn't matter how much he tries not to mess things up, he always ends up doing just that. And now he knows Keith will leave him and he will never talk to Lance again, and Lance really deserves it.

 

Because Lance wouldn't want to be with himself either, but too bad for him, he's stuck with himself until his last day or for forever, if his spirit is truly immortal. He should’ve never troubled Keith or ever think about bestowing Keith with having to deal with him. Because Lance is a bad person, he's the worst, and he gets rejected all the time for a reason.

 

He's not a boyfriend material, and he should accept it for once and for all, that he was born to be alone.

 

Lance regrets his harsh words that always sound like verbal venom, he hates himself for saying them but he cannot stop his mouth, and in his mind, he thinks he's doing Keith a favor: he gives Keith many, many reasons to leave him, so in fact, Lance actually _saves_ Keith from having to deal with a person like him.

 

Lance doesn't want Keith to hate him, but it's the only way, because Lance is too problematic, he's not a good friend, nor he is a good brother, he's not a good son either, and neither can he be a good boyfriend.

 

And Lance hates to hurt Keith, but Keith is going to be fine. It's for the best.

 

Silence is cutting into his skin covered with goosebumps, purple meets blue, and Keith is supposed to leave him, Lance is ready, he has his armour on, but when Keith moves, he gets on top of him, arms grabbing him, his lips sealing his, and why?

 

But Lance doesn't complain ‘cause Keith's a miraculous kisser and it's certainly better than arguing or Keith leaving, and Keith even manages to distract his brain a bit.

 

Maybe they should do this — and Lance means the kissing, not the stupid fights — all day. It's not a great solution on the long run but it's certainly more enjoyable than pills.

 

Keith is actually very dissatisfied with himself — he wanted to ask Lance, to make him explain, and he's aware he should also say some things too, but one: he always fails with words, and two: he's always been prone to act first, and it's just easier to him to show what he feels with actions than bothering with trying to phrase full sentences.

 

But seriously, why is Lance doing this? Is he really trying to chase Keith away, or how does his brain work? He must know how Keith feels for him, he certainly does since he was being a real tease about it after Keith left the party.

 

Keith wants to ask him, he will ask Lance but first he needs to catch his breath.

 

“You're a fucking moron.” He says after parting his lips from Lance’s, hitting himself mentally. He can't really expect Lance to be nice with him when he isn't exactly nice with Lance either, but excuse him, he's confused and frustrated and he's also in love.

 

The realisation comes smoother than he would've anticipated, he doesn't fight the emotions anymore, he just lets himself feel them fully, without trying to smother or deny them. It's not as scary as he feared, it's actually setting him free.

 

“I know!” Lance admits bitterly, but he hardly even manages to finish his reply, Keith is kissing him again, and it feels like… all the things he wants Keith to tell him and it's pretty intoxicating. It's supposed to be calming Lance down, and Keith just wants to express what he can't with words, Lance knows that, or he thinks he does, but still, he wishes more, he demands more.

 

He craves more.

 

He needs to hear it all over again, and once more, and ten times over, because his mind is wicked and he just needs constant reassurance. Also, because he's insecure and selfish, and he's just hungry for love and affection, on some days more than usual.

 

“You think I would be here if I didn't want to?” Keith asks gently and Lance’s heart is trembling, like all of his broken pieces are being puzzled back together, the warmth from Keith's shiny purple eyes gluing them as whole.

 

Lance needs to stay calm and speak his mind as clearly as he possibly can (because he's pretty aware their relationship is this messed up because they just can't communicate and it's mainly Lance's fault) and not let his brain take the best of him — this moment is just too precious and Keith is just too important to fuck this up again.

 

Not anymore, not after tonight. Because they had something finally, and even if it's complicated, it's definitely a progress. And Lance wants to fight for it.

 

“And if I didn't want you with me, I wouldn't have made a complete idiot of myself confessing to you outside your room! You didn't even say anything and you act so strange, what am I supposed to think?!”

 

For the record, Lance said he'd try to speak the truth, he just can't help that he just has a tendency to be louder than the average person, and that his phrasing is quite harsh but English never really comes easy to him when he's too upset, too frustrated, and Keith staring at him like he can't believe a single word Lance says makes Lance even angrier, but he mainly loathes himself because it's his fault.

 

“Wait, what did you confess at my door?”

 

What's with that question? Lance almost replies on autopilot, repeating the same things but he stops himself and looks away, sulking.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Lance…” It's a warning, an anchor, an ask, a plea, and Keith sounds so tender again, Lance's eyes are burning, but no, he will _not_ cry.

 

“You heard it once and it was embarrassing enough, I'm not gonna repeat it!” He can't, he just can't do it right in front of Keith. Why does Keith even want to make him? Is it good for his ego?

 

“I didn't hear it, I wasn't even in my room for hours!” That catches Lance attention, sad teary blue eyes staring at him unbelievingly, and something _breaks_ within Keith, to see Lance like that. That somber expression just needs to go away and he needs Lance smiling again. “I went to the party because I wanted to see you, and after we fought, I came here, and I was here… waiting… for you…”

 

Keith expects Lance to feel at least a bit better after he admitted such an awkward and stalkish thing, to laugh, and joke, and make fun of Keith's apparent crush on him, but still be enchanted probably…

 

“Hold on a second… I just realised that…” Keith is pouting, because Lance is just about to make fun of his crush, and maybe he was too generous to give Lance such a big advantage.

 

“What, big brain?”

 

“YOU BROKE INTO MY ROOM, KEITH!” Lance shoots up abruptly, he sits up so suddenly that Keith almost falls on his back.

 

Keith can't believe Lance is such a dork. Also he can't believe he's making such a big deal about it hours later when they have a couple more important issues to discuss.

 

“The door is always open, I just let myself in!”

 

“BUT WHY DID YOU COME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE? TO MURDER ME?”

 

“What? No, why would I—”

 

“Dude, you just wanted to beat me like an hour ago!”

 

“I wasn't serious! Besides, you said a lot of shit too!”

 

That does the trick and Lance clams up. Right, he apologised to Keith earlier but apparently he didn't hear that either.

 

So, to sum it up, Lance poured his heart out to Keith, but Keith didn't hear a single word. Lance cannot decide if he's pissed or relieved, but oh, it makes sense now…

 

“I went to apologise.” He mumbles, voice barely audible. Keith frowns on top of Lance and Lance wants to run away but he forces himself to look Keith in the eye. “I'm sorry, for being a dick.”

 

See? It's not an impossible thing, to be sincere. It's certainly a start, and the moment feels rather intimate, like they're _bonding_ , and Keith is supposed to forgive him now, Lance wants it, he _craves_ it, and Keith opens his mouth and…

 

“At least you're a delicious one.”

 

For the record, Keith didn't actually think this through. He just wanted to make Lance feel better, he tried to make a joke, and _this_ just happened. Keith is pretty proud of himself actually, he expects Lance to start giggling uncontrollably at any given moment and compliment him that he doesn't have such a bad humour after all.

 

Only Lance doesn't laugh at all, he's gawking at Keith in shock, eyes wide open, mouth agape. Moonlight dances on Lance's astounded face, and even if it's still quite dim in the room, Keith can see Lance blush; he becomes so flustered he doesn't even breathe, then he just lies back down with so much force that his head hits the headboard, and Keith almost falls off of him.

 

“Keith!!” Lance is covering up his face, he'd like to curl up into fetal position but he can't do that with Keith still on top of him. “How can you say that?!”

 

“It's true.”

 

“KEITH!!”

 

Okay, maybe Keith didn't exactly get what he wanted, but Lance isn't sad anymore, how he tries to hide is definitely _cute_ and it's dangerous to Keith's heart because he would never have thought that Lance could be this flustered. It's a shocker, but it's adorable, and Keith knows he's the real dick for enjoying it.

 

“Lance, look at me.” He reaches for Lance's arms gently, pulling them away but Lance fights, trying to hide even more.

 

“Nooooo, let me die…”

 

“I wanna see you.” Keith doesn't know if it's his actual words or the tone of his sickeningly affectionate voice, but Lance stops fighting, and it's working, and even if he still avoids looking at Keith, he lets his arms be laid next to his head.

 

Keith reaches for Lance’s face, touching his chin to make him look up at Keith, and Keith just can't resist giving him a short but tender kiss. Lance seems like a satiated cat after that, and Keith really loves seeing his face in that moment.

 

“Now you're gonna tell me that I'm beautiful?” Lance intrigues, eyes shining and his lips in a half smile, a little too romantic.

 

“No,” Keith replies without hesitation, still cradling Lance's flustered face. “I'm just admiring my work.”

 

Lance yelps, too offended to reply he's just sucking in rushed breaths and letting them out, whining and whimpering because he can't find the right words for this _betrayal_. Keith smiles ever so lovingly, then he leans down to leave another kiss on Lance's trembling lips.

 

“You're such a mean boyfriend,” Lance complains, nothing but affection and teasing in his voice, his fingers swimming through Keith's hair.

 

As Keith actually comprehends the words, he just freezes, his blood flushing his cheeks in an instant, it's him who has to look away now.

 

Keith wants to run, to hide, to jump off the edge of the world, but he's also too embarrassed to move even a bit. He also knows he shouldn't straight out die because Lance used _that word_ , but Keith's still just doing that, dying, and he definitely prefers being the one to tease and not the one to get flustered. That is much cuter on Lance anyway.

 

“Keith?” Keith is fucked because Lance is noticing now, and he can't hide his embarrassment. “Earth to Keith? Hey, what's up, my man?”

 

“You…” Keith doesn't try to be cool anymore, he covers his deep red face, words muffled by his sweaty palm. “...called me… boyfriend…”

 

“Does it bother you?” Fear and panic grabs on Lance's chest, anxiety smothering him like a ruthless vice. He seems to be several steps ahead of Keith still, and maybe it's too much. Maybe Keith kissing him doesn't even mean a thing. Maybe—

 

“No… just… warn me… next time…”

 

That makes Lance's worries dissolve and he finds himself chuckling, enjoying that Keith fucking Kogane can be shy but too enchanted by his adorable factor that is infinite. It's a huge surprise really, because even if Keith was always cute, Lance would've never imagined he could get flustered and especially that he would look so endearing.

 

“But I can't really warn you,” Lance points out a moment later, brain suddenly thinking things through, “because if I say _‘I'm gonna call you my boyfriend’_ the word is also there so it's impossible.”

 

“Lance!”

 

“Aww, the tables have turned, _babe_?”

 

“Ba—?”

 

And Keith thought Lance calling him his boyfriend was the end of him. Damn Lance and damn himself that he has to be so weak — he didn't even know he could be so clumsy. Also it feels like a betrayal to his own self, it's just not in his nature to become so flustered because of some terms of endearment he's absolutely not used to.

 

Keith can't possibly take it anymore, he just falls off of Lance, lying next to him, covering his face.

 

Lance giggles, and _it's worth it_ , because he's not upset anymore. Then he turns to his side, facing Keith, and Keith can feel those beautiful blue eyes wandering on him. It tingles.

 

They just lie there without words exchanged, then Lance's right arm finds Keith's left, pulling it away from his face gently, revealing Keith's face.

 

“Hello beautiful.”

 

He never thought he could feel like this — to have trillions of small butterflies rampaging in his stomach, to feel like his lungs are overfilled with delicious oxygen, to have his heart beating like it's about to escape from his chest.

 

Keith would like to say something, but thoughts are floating around in his head like confused butterflies lost in a thick fog, and his mind is too noisy, like a buzzing beehive, and he just fails to form words. But Lance, lying on his side, moonlight shining on him, saturating his figure with some blue, ethereal glow, is _breathtaking_ , and Keith just needs to let him know.

 

Although if he could actually open his mouth and use it for speaking, not just gawking at Lance, he couldn't find the right word, because nothing can fully describe the phenomenon that is Lance McClain.

 

So even if Keith fails with talking, his left arm moves on its own, and he finds himself reaching for Lance, gliding his fingers along his face, brushing the soft skin with his fingertips ever so gently, fearing that Lance is just an apparition and he might disappear.

 

It's strange, to be this calm with Lance, especially since they were quarrelling not so long ago. It's just in their nature, to have stupid fights, and for them to banter all the time, but they can have serene moments like this as well, and it just feels right, even if Keith has to get used to it, and it's still a bit odd, but he wants it, he'd like to go for it, and he's ready.

And in that moment, Keith falls for Lance just a bit more.

 

Lance feels so weak while Keith's fingertips trail his face, and it's so much more intimate than any spoken word could be. Because Keith is looking at him with that expression, his dark grey eyes shimmering with a mauve glow and with that soft smile on his face as if Lance was the most precious thing he's ever seen, and it's so pure and so sincere that his heart is weak.

 

And maybe Keith won't tell him cheesy stuff, and be so blatantly verbal, but Keith doing small but even more affectionate things like this is certainly better, because it's pure and it's honest whereas words can be false, they can be lied, but when Keith Kogane is looking at him like that, touching Lance as if he was the dearest, most treasured thing in the entire universe, it’s just so much more than Lance could've ever wished for.

 

And that's why Lance will only be nudging Keith only once a day.

 

“So… you really like me?” Keith's hand stops, but he nods. “Aaaand we're together now?”

 

“Apparently.” Keith smiles, and it's so bright, it makes Lance’s heart sing.

 

“Can't you be a little more romantic, though?!” Okay, maybe he'll be pushy about Keith’s lack of being sickeningly over-affectionate twice a day — he can't help it.

 

“If you repeat what you said to my door.” Keith grins, of course he does, because it's Keith Kogane, and he's just a little shit, but Lance loves him anyway.

 

Soothing calmness flushes him at the sudden realisation, warmth blossoming inside his chest. Lance is wondering how he's not freaking out, but this new kind of tranquility isn't exactly a bad thing.

 

“I’d rather just kiss you instead,” he shoots back though, because even if he loves Keith, he'll never get bored of teasing him. Besides, Keith asked for a warning, so it's two in one, actually.

 

Keith rolls his eyes — of course Lance does anything to avoid doing certain things. But Lance really moves forward, because he really does it, and holy shit, it's the first time Lance kisses Keith actually, because it's always been Keith to initiate physical things first, and this is a very fucking important moment and it's not sure he's going to survive.

 

Lance is a bit hesitant and very much clumsy, but it's perfect for Keith, and he cannot possibly take this, soft lips brushing against his shyly. They've only been at this boyfriend thing for maximum two hours, and like for five minutes ‘officially’, and if they keep on, Keith will be dead by the end of the weekend.

 

(And seriously, what will happen when they go out as a couple?!)

 

Lance is too occupied with listening to Keith's cute moans during the kiss, he forgets to breathe several times, and he's too anxious about wanting to please Keith, almost ruining the already lame kiss, thanks to his incompetence, but then something comes to his mind and he has to break away from Keith.

 

“Wait…”

 

“What?” Lance almost forgets what he wants to say because Keith is confused, but most of all, he's panting and he just looks so good post-makeout that Lance's heart stops for a moment, but then he clears his throat, saying:

 

“I can't believe you blew me before we even went on a date!” Lance doesn't mind it in the least of course, and it's more shocking than something to be judged, but actually it's rather funny that their relationship started out like that.

 

Keith is a bit flustered but he just has the perfect reply.

 

“Technically, I did _not_.”

 

It takes a few seconds for Lance to catch what Keith has said, then he jumps on Keith, covering his mouth.

 

“You're not allowed to talk about that! Ever!!” He yells, face beet red. Lance lets go of Keith's mouth and he ends up lying on Keith, still too embarrassed about what happened but he definitely enjoys where he is now.

 

Keith just giggles, and it's such a cute sound, it's Lance's favourite melody ever, next to Keith's heartbeat.

 

The boys lie on the bed in silence, after Keith stops laughing, he eventually starts caressing Lance's back and head, fingers lost in Lance's silky brown hair. It's so serene, so blissful and so nice, and both of them are just very happy.

 

Lance cherishes the moment, heart swelling in his chest, but he feels like it's just the right time to come clean — he needs to confess properly, and he needs to do it now when they're bubbled up in their own world, and it's not daylight and Keith can't see his face.

 

“Keith?”

 

“Hmph?”

 

“I gotta tell you something… about a pretty boy who transferred to my high school. He was so smart and so cool, I wanted to be like him.”

 

Keith freezes, heart rate doubling. He remembers his first day at the Garrison, how sick he felt standing in front of everyone as he had to introduce himself. If he really digs into his mind, he can see Lance McClain sitting next to the window, his deepwater blue eyes shining at him with sincere interest.

 

“I wanted to be his friend,” Lance continues, voice deep and coarse. Keith knows what's coming, and he's already feeling awful. He wants to support Lance, to show him how he feels is different now, so he keeps caressing his hair and back. “But he rejected me. I felt so hurt, and I guessed it was because he considered me a loser. So I wanted to prove him that I wasn't, I wanted to be as great as him, but he always outdid me. I still admired him but I became bitter, I started to visibly rivalise with him.”

 

“It was so silly…” Lance adds, laughing at himself dryly. Keith feels like it's not time for him to reply yet, but he needs to do something, so he kisses the top of Lance's head.

 

The unexpected example of affection throws Lance a bit off, he remains silent for a few minutes. Keith thinks that he just fell asleep, when something wet is dripping on his chest, and please, don't let Lance be crying because he cannot handle it.

 

Lance is shaking, taking in small breaths as he struggles to continue. Telling Keith this felt like a good idea first, but he's already a mess, and he's a crybaby, and he's so ridiculous that he wants to disappear.

 

Then he can feel Keith holding him closer, and his heartbeat calms Lance down a little. Keith is so good to him when all Lance did was just being a jerk, and he doesn't deserve it. But Keith kisses the top of his head again, once and twice, and three more times, never in the same spot, and Lance's chest feels so full of emotion that he thinks he'll explode.

 

Even if he can't handle this, being in Keith's arms and loved by Keith in general and he's going to die, he needs to finish this first, not only because it makes him feel better, but because he wants Keith to understand, to know.

 

Lance inhales deeply, and then he goes on. It's easier if he just keeps playing with the hem of Keith's sleeve.

 

“First, I didn't even realise that he was on my mind a lot, I just thought it was because of my insecurities and frustration. But then I realised I was actually attracted to him, and it made me feel guilty, because I was supposed to like girls, not boys too, so I became more hostile to him. I blamed him.”

 

Lance still remembers the strong emotion, a mixture of self-disgust and confusion, and it was so easy to project it onto Keith, blaming Keith that it all happened because of him, and he wronged Lance, when Lance knew deep inside that it wasn't true. He always liked boys, he always noticed when another boy looked pretty or cute, but he never really dwelled on it, because his thoughts were always something to be considered ‘normal’.

 

He sometimes dreamed about boys but he always pushed it aside, because it was just a dream, but when he realised that the dreams were becoming more frequent, and the boy's face blurred into Keith's, it hit him so hard, it was like jumping off a high tower and crashing into the solid ground but still surviving it.

 

It all made sense in his head, his bisexuality was always there, but he was denying first, and it took some time until he could sort out his feelings. Unluckily, Keith was nowhere to be found then.

 

“And then one day, he was gone, and I never saw him again…”

 

Lance was so angry, so heartbroken back then. Keith got basically into trouble because of him; Lance pushed him too far on a day, he pissed him off, and Keith was already furious. But then a couple of assholes picked on him, and Keith snapped because it was just the last push, and…

 

It resulted in two noses, one wrist and one arm broken, Keith even punched a teacher when he tried to get Keith away from the bullies, and Keith got expelled right then.

 

Lance went to Principal Iverson because he felt responsible, told him that it wasn't Keith's fault and that he was provoked, Lance even had his friends Hunk and Pidge to confirm it.

 

It was to no avail, and by the time Lance gathered enough courage to visit Keith in his home — of course he knew where he lived — he was greeted with a new family moving in and a freshly trashed ‘Sale’ sign.

 

Some day, he'll maybe tell Keith that he feels like it was his fault that he got expelled, but not today. Because there's still so much to tell him, but it's probably close to 3AM now and he doesn't want to keep Keith up so much longer even if it's Saturday. He might have something planned, and Lance is just wasting his time. Or he probably fell asleep already, since he's been silent for minutes, and his hands stopped moving.

 

Keith is just too lost in his memories. He still remembers every word, even if happened many, many years ago.

 

 _“Oh, it's Keith Kogane again.”_ It was Billy and Jake, those two who made Keith's every day a living hell.

 

_“Don't insult him, Billy, he's the top of the class.”_

 

_“Right. But he's still gay. And I bet he's only the best because he's the teacher’s pet. Like literally.”_

 

Keith just wanted to do what he always did — to walk away. But they grabbed him and didn't let him.

 

_“Tell me, Kogane, how did you become gay? Did someone hurt you?”_

 

_“Was it your dad? Oh wait, you don't have a dad, I guess it's because of that.”_

 

_“No, I bet it was your adoptive brother, Shiro. He has a prosthetic arm, he looks like a freak—”_

 

And to have Shiro involved, nothing could hold back Keith after that. He vaguely remembers hitting Lance too when he tried to interfere, and he never apologised for that.

 

Keith realises that he's stopped caressing Lance and that he's too silent — maybe he fell asleep? He doesn't wish to wake him up, but he also needs to occupy himself and what's better than trying to hook a mop of Lance’s hair around his index finger?

 

But Lance suddenly shakes when Keith starts playing with his silky brunette locks, and Keith feels so bad for waking him up.

 

“I thought you were asleep.” His voice is hoarse and low, Keith has never heard it sound like that, saturated with such a heavy tiredness and so many emotions.

 

“I took a trip down Memory Lane.” Keith is surprised because his voice sounds just the same as Lance’s. He has to clear his throat, even if it makes Lance's head jostle on him and it violates the calming silence that surrounds them. “You don't continue your story?”

 

“You want me to?”

 

“Sure. That guy seems interesting, I wanna meet him.” It's such a silly joke but Lance still chuckles at that, and it makes Keith soar, happiness and sweet satisfaction soaking through him.

 

“Where was I?” Lance is still giggling, wiping his eyes. He's either crying or just laughing too much, there's no in between tonight. “Oh, right… So I hadn't seen him until college. I was so happy! But when I walked up to him, he didn't even remember me, and I felt horrible. I continued with the rivalry, and I tried to impress him in the meantime, but I never succeeded. He's still so much better than me whereas I'm just average. Or even below that.”

 

Keith has been trying to make a mental list about the things he needs to tell Lance, because he doesn't want to interrupt him, but it's really hard for him to stay still when Lance says such things.

 

How can Lance think about himself like that? Can't he see that he's amazing?

 

Because even if Keith wasn't close to Lance, he knew about all his good qualities — he had a few classes with his friends, Pidge and Hunk, and Keith always heard them talking about Lance, and it wasn't just friendly teasing or gossiping and all the mean stuff.

 

And talking about Keith, it was just 10% eavesdropping and 90% pure luck that he had good ears and he was sitting nearby.

 

Thanks to all that tiny bit of information, Keith could get a glimpse of a side of Lance McClain that was sadly unknown to him; the selfless friend and the good brother, and all those stories made Keith love Lance just a bit more. His only heartache was that Lance hardly ever showed that side of his to Keith.

 

But really, Keith can say that basically _everyone_ on the campus likes Lance. He’s fun, and smart, and kind, and helpful to everyone — and even if he pushed on the rivalry between them, he still helped Keith and he was nice to him at times, all those rare moments that made Keith die inside and just long for Lance even more.

 

Lance McClain is the life of every college party, the centre of attention, like a forever pulsing star, bright and warm, and he’s never greedy not to shine on others. To hear Lance talk about himself like that, like he doesn't even see the incredible person he is, his uniqueness that has made even Keith fall for him is unbelievable, upsetting, outrageous.

 

A shame and a problem that needs to be fixed soon.

 

Lance is unsuspecting of Keith's inner turmoil, and he goes on.

 

“But as much as I was annoyed that he forgot me, I still had feelings for him, but I couldn't tell him because I felt pathetic. I hinted as much as I could, though, but he never reacted. It was so fucked up really, because we were always fighting, and I was sure he hated me.”

 

Keith opens his mouth, but he forces it to close. He struggles to keep it that way but he knows Lance needs him to listen first, and he can react later.

 

“Still, sometimes I just caught these feelings that he might like me like that, but I thought it was just in my head because when I provoked him, he said nothing.”

 

Keith can't help but snort and chuckle, because he always had the exact same thought, and it's just _ridiculous_ how fucking oblivious both of them were.

 

“I'm pretty sure he feels the same way,” and it escapes Keith's mouth before he can stop himself.

 

“Keith!” Lance covers his face again, reaching the peak of his embarrassment. “Let me finish!” He whines but he isn't sure he can do that, his voice is wavering.

 

Keith kisses his head, mumbling ‘Sorry’ and Lance feels like jelly. He will never get used to this, he will never fully believe that tonight took such an unexpected turn and he ended up in Keith's arms.

 

“Now he's with me, and I can't believe I'm really this lucky.” He manages to say, salty drops gathering in his eyes again, but he doesn't loathe himself for it anymore, it's tears of inexplicable joy and gratitude.

 

Lance's words arrive at Keith's heart — literally, because Lance still lies on his chest, and Keith is _melting_. Is it possible for him to feel so much happiness? Is Lance really serious?

 

Keith suddenly feels so guilty for doubting Lance, but the whole story is so surreal, so unbelievable that they both had a crush on each other yet both of them were fucking dense about it, and to be honest, there weren't so many good things in Keith's life, and it's not even about him doubting Lance, it's him feeling undeserving of someone loving him.

 

“What do you think?” Keith realises that Lance holds up his head now, staring at him, eyes shimmering like the clearest blue ocean.

 

“I think you should forget about this guy, he seems horrible, and be with me.”

 

Lance gets confused and shocked first, but then bursts out laughing. Keith enjoys the sound but he takes advantage of Lance being too distracted, so he grabs him and turns around with him, putting him on his back so Keith's on top now.

 

“Keith!”

 

It's always a pleasure to see Lance blushing and becoming flustered but still enjoying the situation, so that was reason one for the switch. The second and most important is that Keith got very uncomfortable, limbs numb and sore, and he had to change his position. And the third reason is the most selfish one, because—

 

“You're crushing me!” Lance whines, then goes even more embarrassed when he notices how Keith is staring at him. “What's that look?”

 

Keith only smirks, then he kisses Lance, long and sweet, and pouring his heart into it, and he keeps kissing him until he feels lightheaded and a chill runs down his spine, and Lance shivers too.

 

“What was that for?” Add one more thing to the list about what Keith loves about Lance: it's post-kiss Lance, too enchanted and too dreamy, and too sweet like melted caramel. And Keith _almost_ feels bad that he's planning to destroy Lance with his kisses for the upcoming few hours.

 

“No reason — yet.” The last word, sounding like a terrible promise; terrible, for it's _fatal_ to Lance's heart because he is already too dead, makes him swallow hard but his nape tingles, excitement washing over him. “I'm just enjoying that I can kiss you whenever I want.”

 

“Ha! Can you?” Lance is trying to tease because his heart did a weird jump, and he needs to cope somehow.

 

“Do you really want me to answer that?” But oh no, because Keith is teasing back, and he's just generally better at anything Lance does. Lance shakes his head, he's too weak after all this.

 

If only he knew what Keith had in store for him…

 

Keith is fidgeting around, finding the most comfortable position on top of Lance, he puts his left arm behind Lance's head, cradling him so he can lean on it too, while his right hand rests on Lance's left shoulder but he's able to just causally reach up to his face, caressing him if he wants to.

 

Lance is too confused, too smitten in general, he's staring up at Keith like he just put the stars on the sky, and Keith's heart does a weird tremor, emotions coursing through him like a waterfall.

 

He wants to say so many things but suddenly he doesn't know how to begin.

 

“So… can I react to your story now?”

 

Nervousness blossoms in Lance, but he smiles, trying to sound less terrified as he breathes out a rather hesitant ‘Sure’.

 

He expects Keith to laugh at him, to make a joke, anything else, but then Keith leaves a small, but even more affectionate kiss on his right cheek.

 

“You're pretty.”

 

On his left.

 

“You're amazing.”

 

On his chin.

 

“You're funny.”

 

On the side of Lance's mouth.

 

“You're so good.”

 

On the other side of his mouth.

 

“Caring and kind.”

 

On the tip of his nose.

 

“You're cute.”

 

On his eyelids, one by one.

 

“You have the most beautiful eyes.”

 

On the bridge of his nose.

 

“You're adorable.”

 

On his forehead.

 

“You're smart.”

 

And finally, on his lips.

 

“And I think I may be in love with you.”

 

Lance's eyes pop up, deep blue glistening all sparkly, and his whole self is glowing in general, like the full moon reaching the zenith in the night sky.

 

“That's all?” Lance teases, but he's smiling too much to be taken seriously and his trembling voice gives him away. “That's so lame since I have loved you first.”

 

Lance is afraid that he's messing up again, but he's just so thrown off by Keith's confession that he has a hard time functioning, let alone coming up with the proper answer. He only hopes that Keith knows what he means now, and judging by the contented smile his lips form, even if he rolls his eyes, makes Lance relieved.

 

Maybe Keith can understand him after all.

 

Keith isn't actually surprised by that cocky reply, because it's Lance after all, and to be honest, Keith would miss it if he just stopped being smug because they started dating.

 

Because heck yeah, they are, just like that.

 

Maybe some days later, Keith will actually confront Lance that he hasn't even asked him out, just to have him flustered and embarrassed again — that must be a stellar sight in bright daylight — but now Keith has smiled so much in the last hour that his cheeks are hurting, and it still feels impossible for him to feel so much happiness but he definitely likes it, and it's easier to get used to by the second.

 

He wants to cherish Lance, to spoil him with his love that is so persistent but it still keeps growing, but he also wants to annoy him forever, and most of all, he wants to share everything with him.

 

“Now I have one story to tell you too.”

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> So... if you get to the end, well, thank you, and I hope you enjoyed this wild ride. Someone criticised me that i write in too much detail... i think i get what that person meant now because honestly, I just have so enough of this, even if I like it too.
> 
> FIRST OF ALL: A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO MY BOO @HARLIVYHQ WHO WAS AWESOME ENOUGH TO [MAKE A FANART FOR THIS](https://twitter.com/harlivyHQ/status/845402073302642688) BEFORE I EVEN MANAGED TO PUBLISH. I LOVE IT SO MUCH OH GOD.
> 
> A few more things: 
> 
> — the fifty shades part... keef didn't actually went there to go all Christian grey on Lance, he planned to wait for him and tell him that he's cool with his offer, but then Lance suddenly appeared and he kinda panicked and it escalated quickly. aka sorry for the shit plot, i just wanted to write this scene because it was so cool in my head but i couldnt come up with any reasonable plot cause im a horrible writer... 
> 
> i was struggling with that part a lot tbh, i mean i wanted to have that scene anyway cause i liked it but i felt like it would be too problematic, like should I tag it to warn people that it wont be rape or any other sexual harassment but i also didnt want to spoil things, tho i think it was quite calculable that it would be keef. anyway, i was kinda anxious about it, and i almost rewrote it, taking the blindfolded part out completely but i wasnt in the mood to rewrite, and also I love the part when they bicker about it later, so I kept the whole thing.
> 
> — im cringing at the 'it's hot and french and with saliva' part but it still sounded so poetic(tm) to me, i just left it like this, only to be embarrassed about it forever
> 
> — this fic just got so messy, im sure there are some weird parts cause i rewrote it so much, and it was supposed to be short and sexy, like the Arctic Monkeys song, with lot of smut and klance getting together at the end but with lesser angst, but while i was writing this, it blew up on me, and I kinda hate it but like it too
> 
> — also im all ears about your hcs about keith's scent cause i just threw the stupidest shit in here. Like he's the fire boy, so oh he must be spicy like chili?? im really bad at headcanoning
> 
> — about other things... i hate describing dicks and that there's only ugly words for them, oh god i hate using them so much even tho ive written quite a few smutty smut before, im dying (yeah i definitely had to whine about this)
> 
> — and if we're talking about this, I really love writing klance inexperienced in sex. I try to keep it realistic, although I sometimes switched to a very biased Lance POV so when I wrote things that may hint on Keith being born to deep-throat, that's Lance’s side of the story, because Keith is always better at everything and he thinks Keith has experience and mainly because he really enjoys what Keith is doing, thus it's perfect for Lance
> 
> — honestly, im not happy with certain parts but i have so enough of this, i just wanted to publish and move on to my other wip fics, but maybe i'll do another edit sometime because i hate mistakes and my perfectionism is killing me, but honestly i cant even see by this point, i read this so much i dont notice mistakes anymore
> 
> — i thought about splitting this to chapters cause i myself got tired of writing it and reading it back but i planned this as a one shot, and i couldnt cut it to chapters, so im sorry for your eyes. If you read it all, you deserve kudos, my friend


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